I’m going to make a statement that may get a lot of protests. We need to thank E.L. James and Fifty Shades Of Grey for giving BDSM the attention it deserved. There may be better literature out there about it but that is finally what got the conversation out of our bedrooms and minds and into our daily lives. It made us embrace the wilder, darker part of sex wholeheartedly and try it out in the safety of our rooms without inhibitions or judgement.
And if you still haven’t jumped on the bandwagon, but really really wanna, we’re here to help. More often than not, we don’t try out a new thing for the lack of guidance instead of lack of desire. We’ve been there that is why we decided to put together a simple guide to bondage for all you beginners who can’t wait to tie their partners up! This guide will ensure you have an intense, passionate but totally safe experience.
1. Negotiate
Both of you need to negotiate about what’s okay and what’s not before you get started. Why not during sex? Well, once it starts the submissive partner enters something called the ‘subspace’ where, since you’re the submissive partner, you aren’t able to voice your consent during the act. So decide on what’s consensual and what’s not before you get into bed. Also, remember, just because you’re saying yes to bondage does not mean you’re saying yes to everything that is going to happen.
Also Read:Sex Tips For Beginners
2. Decide Safe Words
Imagine you’re in the middle of sex and you say one of those generic words like ‘slow down’ or ‘stop’ to tell the other person you’re uncomfortable. The problem here is that these words are sometimes used as a part of the play and aren’t taken seriously. So decide on a safe word that is a clear indication for your partner to stop.
3. Set The Mood
Music is a great relaxer. If you’re panicking at the thought of being tied up or just plain anxious, a groovy track will help you relax. Plus, imagine making love to a sexy track like ‘Get On Your Knees’ by Nicky Minaj.
4. Buy The Right Gear
Since you’re only starting out, buy the basics instead of going all out. You want to start off with some handcuffs, blindfolds and probably a flogger. Please don’t go all out and start buying things like a straightjacket, suspension cuffs or sex swings that may totally freak you out.
5. Don’t Get Caught In The Moment
The main rule of a submissive-dominant relationship is that the dominant person needs to be in control at all times and the submissive one needs to voice their opinions. Getting caught in the moment and forgetting things is really easy sometimes but you can’t do that. Somebody could get seriously hurt if you let things go.
6. Voice Your Pain
In the beginning, it might sound like the tighter you tie somebody up, the better it is. But it really isn’t. Your partner should be able to wriggle around and move without the handcuffs hurting them. Also, areas like the neck, elbows and knees are more prone to nerve damage than others. So if you’re tied up and experiencing pain, VOICE IT immediately!
7. Stay Sober
It may seem counter-intuitive but you need to be sober for the experience. Like I said before, control is of utmost importance in this experience and that’s why it is imperative you be sober. No drinking and trying!
Images: Shutterstock, Giphy
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