I used to have this massive crush on my brother's best friend. After college, the two of them would come home and practice playing the guitar. Of course, I did not tell my brother that I've been secretly having wet dreams about his best friend. I did my best to not make it obvious, but when he wasn't looking my way, I would ogle at him for a good minute. His smile, his laugh, his baby face - I was in love with ALL of him.
I remember the first time we spoke was when he paid a surprise visit to my brother but he wasn't home. He had gone for his math tuition and would be home only in an hour. Till that time, we made small talk. He asked me what grade I was in, my favourite genre of music, concerts that I've been to in the past, yada yada. As soon as my brother got home, I excused myself and darted into my room and locked the door. My heart was racing! I knew from then on that I had feelings for him.
Months passed and since he was always at our home, the three of us - my brother, him and I, hung out more often. We would often go to the terrace and jam there too.
One day, he met me after college and walked me home. He complained about how annoyed he'd get every time my brother would not pick up his phone - and he'd end up waiting for him for hours. I took the opportunity that time and told him that he could call me if he doesn't get through to him the next time. We exchanged numbers that day. We've been texting ever since!
It's weird how connected I felt to him through texting. I would tell him how my day was going, what book I was reading or the track that's stuck in my head. I was kinda obsessed with him and it was pretty evident through my texting game. I didn't confess this to him though, because I wanted to know if his feelings for me were mutual.
Not once in our conversation did he mentioned that he was uncomfortable or felt awkward with our texting. Hence, I assumed that he was okay with the way things were going. As for me, I was loving it. It felt good to have someone to talk to about my day. My brother till today has no clue that we text each other. Neither his best friend mentioned it to him nor me. I'm sure that if he found out he'd lose his cool.
One weekend, I was out partying at a friends place. I told my girls about him, but some of them weren't as excited. They warned me about the consequences I would face if my brother found out about our relationship. A few of them toyed with the idea that since all three of us share a good bond, we would live happily together under one roof. I liked the second idea better! We toasted that night and I was so happy that I downed three shots in a row.
My world became dizzy. My friend's voice was suddenly louder, but slower. The funny part was that even though I was tipsy, I could not get his face out of my mind. I reached for my phone and sent him a text. To my surprise, he responded immediately. I told him I was tipsy and sent him a picture of me in a little black dress. For the first time, he said that I looked beautiful! I got a little carried away. I started flirting with him and asking him what he was wearing and how cute I thought he was.
His replies were rather neutral. He didn't say much. I then did what I would never do in my sober state. I went into the bathroom, removed my dress, unhooked my bra and clicked a topless picture of myself. Without much putting much thought, I sent to him. I later passed out.
I woke up with a bad headache. I was still wearing my outfit from the party and hadn't even removed my makeup! Everyone was still fast asleep and I quickly grabbed my stuff, hopped into a rickshaw at 7:30 am and went home. As soon as I opened the house, my boyfriend and his friend attacked me with questions. However, something was off. His best friend wasn't making eye contact with me. His behaviour was rather cold and distant to me. I went into my room to freshen up and was going through my phone and suddenly our chat opened up. I grew anxious when I found out that I had sent him a topless picture of myself. What was even worse is that he did not respond. There was just a tiny tick below the picture that indicated that he had seen it. I did not know how to face him after this.
He stopped coming over, he did not text and when I saw him around college, he would just ignore me and walk away. I only feared that he would tell my brother about the incident. That did not happen though. My brother was fine around me and he and his bestie would still jam on the terrace.
Even though things were normal on the surface, it was killing me to know his thoughts. I was desperate for closure. I bumped into him again after college and I would usually walk away going about with my own thing, but not this time, I asked him straight up as to why he was acting weird. He looked me straight into the eye and told me that he saw me as just a friend and nothing more. Someone who he can have cool conversations without having any hidden intentions.
I was upset when I heard this, but after a walk in the park, I realised that I have been wrong here. I pushed myself on him when he didn't give me the slightest inclination that he liked me back. I shouldn't have assumed that he had feelings for me. He occasionally smiles at me when he sees me now, but things aren't the same. I think I should respect his boundaries and for now, give us both the time to heal and move on.
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