I met him when I had just broken up with my beau of 3 years. I was flipping through Tinder and this hot guy, with eyes the colour of hazelnuts, caught my attention. It started on a pretty uncomplicated note. I had just come out of a serious relationship so I was not looking for something in which I had to invest too much time and emotions and he was also looking for something casual. We hooked up once and then again. And then there was no stopping us.
Everything was fine until it was only about sex. And until I fell for my hook up. I couldn’t tell him my true feelings because I knew that would make him turn away (which I obviously didn’t want). I was tired of this in-between area, the one between friendship and a real romantic relationship, but I clung on to him because I thought “maybe someday..”
I had a harsh reality check when one day he told me that I was being very demanding and pushy and that he didn’t think it was working anymore. I broke down and pleaded to him to not leave me. However, he left, still confused why I was being so girlfriend-ish when both of us knew that it was just a fling!
He only wanted me in all my naked glory and so did I. In fact, this was one one of the cardinal rules of our casual hook up. But I couldn’t keep my feelings out of it. Now when I look back at the relationship, I wonder if I had dealt with the situation differently, could we have been more than just friends with benefits? I know, the answer is yes!
If you ever find yourself in a similar situation, here’s how you can deal with it:
First thing first, be sure if it’s actually something more than just physical attraction. There can be a great chance of you mistaking good sex for love, especially if you are lonely or had a heartbreak lately. Before you actually take a step ahead, make sure that it’s more than his body that is involved here.
Look for subtle signs of affection from him when you are together. Does he like to cuddle after a steamy makeout session? Has he started to share personal details of his life with you lately? If he seems more involved than he has ever been, congratulations! There’s a fair chance that he has some kind of feelings for you and that he too considers you more than just a casual hookup.
Talk to him about that hot guy you met on Tinder the other day and see how he reacts. Does he act all strange? Jealous? Try to read his emotions. But be careful...there’s a possibility that if he has developed feelings for you then the story about this new guy might make him want to take a step back.
Just because you are hooking up and spending a lot of time together, you may be feeling close and connected to him. But before taking the plunge, give yourself some space. Find out do you really miss him during this time apart and does he miss you too? If no, then it was just a phase. If yes, then there’s definitely something serious brewing here.
Loving someone and not being able to tell this to them can be harder than it sounds. Tell a friend about your feelings but be sure that they are trustworthy. Sometimes the perspective of a third person is all that you need to figure things out. Plus, you will feel much better by speaking your heart out!
Get dressed in your best outfit and take him out for dinner. Have a real conversation with each other. This will give both of you a chance to see each other in a different light for once. You don’t have to talk about your feelings right away. It’s a step to bond better and start something more solid than just a physical relationship.
This can be the most awkward conversation of your life but trust me it’s better to get done with it as early as possible. Choose a time when you both have your clothes on and ask him how he feels about it.
No matter how badly you want to see him confess his love to you, be prepared for rejection too. He might not have the same feelings as you and that’s okay. You cannot blame him for it. After you have told him how you feel about it, there’s a possibility that he might want to end whatever little relationship you share. Be realistic and prepare yourself for the situation in advance.
If he’s honest enough to tell you that he is not into you or that he is not quite sure how he feels about you, it’s wise to end things then and there on a good note than to wait endlessly for him only to get a no for an answer later.
A no strings attached relationship is great but when your emotions get involved things can change drastically for both of you. Be sure about what you want and when you know exactly what it is, then do your best to make things work out.
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