You could be a head-over-heels in love kinda couple, but that does not guarantee a rocking sex life. Most marriages, as per multiple surveys, suffer from the ‘not enough sex’ issue. Although there is no ‘normal’ to how many times a married couple should have sex, if you feel that your sex life is less than satisfying, then you need to have ‘the talk’ with your hubby. Here are 7 pointers to keep in mind when discussing the subject with him.
1. Do not bring it up right after sex
You do not want to talk about your unsatisfying sex life right after or before you have sex. Think this through and pick the right time to talk about it… On a day when you’re both relatively free and not stressed about work stuff. Also, give your partner a heads up that you need to talk about your sexual intimacy so as not to catch him off guard.
2. Do not play the blame game
Household chores are a lot different from your sex life and blaming your partner will make the situation worse. It can hurt his ego and instead of solving the issue, it might just take an ugly turn. So, instead of saying, “You don’t indulge in enough foreplay,” say, “I would love to make our foreplay more interesting”.
3. Choose your words wisely
Instead of saying, “We need to talk about how BORING our sex life has become,” say, “We need to spice up our sex life. What do you think about it?”. Do not point out all that’s wrong, instead, start by telling him all that’s amazing about the sex and subtly add all that isn’t. Also, don’t go all guns out. You will get the chance to have this conversation again.
4. Tell him what you want in bed
We can’t tell you how important it is to be vocal about your likes and dislikes in bed and otherwise. The moment you start communicating with your partner, half your issues are solved right there. Tell him if you’d like more foreplay or if you’re bored of making love in the bedroom and want to get it on in the kitchen instead. Show him how you like his fingers to work down there and be frank about something that you don’t like.
5. Mentally prepare a list of ideas and suggestions
Now that you are having the talk with him, be prepared with some ideas and suggestions to bring about the change that you so wish for. Be it a position that you’ve been dying to try or a plan to have sex more often–there’s no point of the whole talk if you don’t come up with a solution.
6. Be open to what he has to say
It needs to be a two-way conversation. Give him the chance to speak, listen to what he has to say, ask for his suggestions. Hear him out even if it does not exactly align with your line of thought. In fact, you never know he may have something even more exciting to suggest.
7. Remember that this will take time
Don’t expect an overnight change in your sex life. Your husband will need to get out of his comfort zone and so will you. In fact, one conversation might not bring about any change at all. Be prepared to discuss this more often and to start small.
Images: GIFs, Shutterstock
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