It's completely natural to feel anxious about your relationship at some point. Relationship anxiety can spring up at pretty much any stage of your relationship, whether it's when you first start dating and aren't sure if they're the one or even when you've been dating for too long and are anxious that you might be in a rut. Anxiety isn't always a bad thing--it's our brain's way of keeping us on our toes and check up on ourselves. However, if anxiety about your relationship has reached a point where you can't focus on everyday tasks and start having obsessive thoughts, you might need to work on controlling it. Here are some ways that can help you ease your relationship anxiety:
You need to really sit down and ask yourself: WHAT exactly is causing you relationship anxiety? According to psychologists, the root of any anxiety is fear. In relationships, this could be fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, fear of being authentic, fear of intimacy, or unresolved trauma or baggage from past relationships. The first step in dealing with your anxiety is identifying your problem. So the next time you find yourself spiralling with anxious thoughts--instead of getting overwhelmed by emotions, try to logically pin-point to why you're having such a reaction in the first place. This will solve half the problem!
Sometimes, anxious thoughts are just that--thoughts. When we're feeling overwhelmed with anxiety, our brains tend to blow up minute things or sometimes create scenarios in our heads. Acting on these thoughts will only do more damage than good, so try writing down what you're feeling in a journal instead of going to your partner with irrational thoughts. After a few hours have passed and you're feeling calmer, re-read your journal. Only go to your partner if you STILL feel that there are things to discuss. In most cases, you'll realise that a lot of your anxious thoughts were a projection of your own insecurities.
If some aspects of your relationship are giving you anxiety but you think they can be worked upon, don't hesitate to bring it up with your partner! If they truly love you, they'll be open to working with you to resolve it. However, make sure you bring up your apprehensions about the relationship in a calm, neutral way--don't make it sound like an attack! Not only will this make your partner defensive, but it will also make your own problems sound less valid.
If you worry about your relationship too often, you'll find yourself getting consumed by obsessive thoughts. This will end up draining you emotionally as well as physically, leaving you tired and unable to focus on other activities. So how do you break this cycle? The next time you find yourself spiralling over an anxious thought, immediately focus your energy inwards and on yourself. Taking part in an activity really helps clear your head--so you can paint, work out, take your dog out for a walk, or simply put on some music and dance! If you focus on activities that make YOU happy, you'll soon find anxious thoughts slipping away!
If you've tried all the above suggestions and you still feel like your anxiety is unmanageable, then we would advise you to seek professional help. A mental health professional will be able to diagnose the root and cause of your relationship anxiety and will point you in the right direction about how to ease it. In fact, your partner should tag along for a couple of sessions and discuss your collective problems in front of a professional. This will end up bringing the two of you closer and increase the trust between you, which will ultimately help reduce your relationship anxiety!
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