Do you worry about why you are having so many fights with your partner lately? Do you keep on getting in 'unnecessary arguments' with him every now and then? Does the fact that you two are fighting so much piss you off more than the thing you are fighting about? You know what, it's okay. In fact, it is why you two are so happy together!
Research suggests that couples who argue effectively are 10 times more likely to be happier in their relationship than those who keep issues to themselves, according to a survey of almost 1,000 adults. Joseph Grenny, a co-author of the New York Times bestseller Crucial Conversations said, "The biggest mistake that couples make is avoidance."
"We feel something but say nothing. At least until we can’t stand it anymore. So we wait until we are certain to discuss it poorly before we bring it up," said Joseph. Furthermore, he added, "We tend to avoid these conversations because we are conscious of the risks of speaking up but unconscious of the risks of not speaking up." That is so relatable! Can you think of all the times when you decided to 'let it be' so it doesn't turn into a big fight? If you are nodding, you know what we mean.
He also gave a reason as to why we probably think so, "We tend to only weigh the immediate and obvious risks without considering the longer-term costs to intimacy, trust and connection." You may be avoiding an immediate confrontation but if you let things build up inside you for a long time, however small they be, they are going to come back in a big way in future.
Communication is the key to a happy relationship but that means talking about everything - the good things and the bad. You can't say you talk every day but at the same time be selective about your topics and think you are not happy in your relationship. When you address and discuss the sensitive issues only then you can resolve them and move forward together. According to the research, more than four in five respondents said poor communication was a major cause in a previous failed relationship!
"The success of a relationship is determined by the way in which sensitive issues are debated," said Joseph. "True love takes work. Real intimacy is not just about love but is also about truth. And crucial conversations are the vehicle for surfacing truth in a way that accelerates a feeling of intimacy, trust and connection."
Apart from communication, is it also important how that communication takes place. You should manage your thoughts, your argument shouldn't sound like a complaint or blame, and your tone should be respectful so that your partner doesn't feel attacked. After all, a couple that argues together, stays together. It's a discussion not a debate. You're only a winner when you both are on the same page.
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