If we were to do shots for each time we missed our ex and felt like talking to them after a breakup, we'd stay drunk for a quite a while. Whether it was messy or the kind that ends mutually, breakups are always hard. They make us feel depressed, emotional and hypersensitive to everything that reminds us of our ex or the relationship. No wonder we're forced to cut off all possible contact with them. Because sometimes, 'out of sight, out of mind' is the only trick that actually works if you're REALLY willing to move on.
However, not every relationship follows the same mantra after a breakup. While some choose to never speak to their ex (or about them), others achieve the impossible - they become FRIENDS with them. One iconic example would be that of Deepika Padukone and Ranbir Kapoor. Despite going through a bitter breakup, they've now come to a point where they're comfortable working with each other and often hang out together with their now-partners in tow. Not just them, a lot of other people keep in touch with their exes - without any hassles, dramas or regrets.
So, if you ever think about being friends with your ex and enter the forbidden dungeon of long-lost feelings, keep these important pointers in mind:
Never go back to someone who broke your heart and confidence in the first place. And if you think, being friends with the same guy who brought distress to your life, tried to harm you (physically or emotionally) or had some SERIOUS (narcissistic or psychotic being one of them) issues would be easier to handle this time around, you're wrong.
One of the most important things to keep is to give yourself enough time before you jump into being friends with him. In the first few weeks/months of a breakup, everything in your mind might still be fresh - your anger, frustration, bitterness. So, it's imperative that you distance yourself for a while. It'll not only help you accept the new change but will also give you time to reflect on the relationship.
Be intuitive and observant. If you both decide to be friends, make sure that it's for the right reasons ONLY and not to give each other a second chance, secretly. If you find yourself falling in love with your ex all over again or see him trying to rekindle those romantic emotions or ways to patch up again, walk away, there and then. We agree that people break up and patch up stronger than ever, but for that to happen, you need to be 'just' friends for some time at least.
When you've known a person for a while, you do tend to acquire a certain routine. From their favourite ice-cream flavour to their most preferred hangout spot, you're well aware of all their choices. To make your friendship sail more smoothly, make sure you're not doing ALL the same things that you did whilst being in a relationship. In fact, don't treat it like a relationship at all. You're not *supposed* to eat only at a particular restaurant that your ex loves or get mad at him for ditching you for some friends. Refrain from doing all the things that you used to while you were dating because well, you guys aren't anymore.
You guys obviously broke up for a reason. Maybe it was because of compatibility issues or something even more complicated. Whatever it was, it did lead to your breakup. But now that you are friends, do not find ways to pick on each other about everything that the other did wrong. Forgive him the way you would forgive your other friends and bury all the old fights. If you can't get over your grudges and constantly use them as weapons/excuses to fight, then you're certainly not ready for this friendship.
One of the easiest ways to mess up a friendship with your ex is to let yours/his sexual feelings get in the way. We get it. You've loved this person for a very long time and it's natural to get attracted. But when you become physically involved, feelings do tend to heighten and take a different route altogether. A one-night stand or a no-strings-attached relationship might sound like a doable deal in the beginning, but before you know it, you'll be back to square one - frustrated and regretful, stuck in a toxic relationship.
We know how difficult it is to see all your expectations shatter before your eyes when you try to move on from the one you loved. And staying in touch with your ex may make it difficult for you to forget your past and stop you from exploring love again. In such a case, it's best to cut off your ex from your life. Maybe sometime later, when you feel you're truly ready to date again and that your past won't come in the way, you can totally decide to be friends with your ex.
More than yourself, your ex could be a matter of concern for your new partner. Not everybody seems to be cool with the idea of being friends with your ex - especially, the one to replace them. Not only could it make them feel threatened or intimidated but also lead to suspicions in your new relationship. So, it's best to be completely honest with your partner from the very beginning. Tell them everything that they need to know about your ex, why it couldn't work out and what made you decide to remain friends. In fact, try to get them introduced if you can. This will help avoid any unnecessary friction between the two and clear out all their doubts!
Above all, being friends with your ex won't certainly be a cakewalk. There will be times when it'll be too painful and overwhelming to continue. Remember to stay patient and positive. Healing is a process and those who wish to stay in your life will understand your state of mind. And those who won't, well - you're much better off without them!
Cover Image Source: Instagram
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