Wars have been won and diseases have been eradicated...but this still remains a topic of great debate. Should you or should you not have sex on your first date? Agony aunts have always warned women about the 'three-date rule': that you should only sleep with a guy after at least three dates. However, we often forget that the logic behind that advice is riddled with misogyny, that if you have sex with someone on the first date, they'll think you're 'easy' and 'loose'. This reinstates the notion that a woman's body is a 'prized object' that a man has to 'earn'.
But hey, it's 2019, and let's all agree that slut-shaming should be a thing of the past. Repeat after me: sex is natural, and sex is great. If you enjoy it, you should have it. It should just be as simple as that! But it's not.
Women are conditioned to believe that they should get a man to 'commit' first and then 'give up' sex as a 'reward', while men are conditioned to think that a women who enjoys sex and has multiple partners is only worth having 'fun' with, and not 'relationship material'.
Let's break down some of the reasons why women shouldn't have sex on a first date, and come to a final verdict!
This is slut-shaming 101. Newsflash: only one person can decide what a woman can and cannot do with her body, and that person is the woman herself. Let's reverse the situation. What would society think about a man who has sex on the first date? We don't even need to answer that one for you. Plus, do you really want to be with someone who thinks like that? What happens when you start dating - is he going to put you in chastity belts when he's away? The right man will appreciate a woman who is honest about her needs and isn't afraid to ask for what she wants.
Verdict: Hard Pass! Don't waste your time on such a man, you'll only be disappointed.
There are two ways of looking at this situation: First, if he loses interest in you because you 'gave up sex' and now there's nothing left for him to 'work' for. If this is the case, girl RUN! You don't want to be involved with a guy who thinks you're nothing but a conquest. But he might also lose interest because the two of you were not sexually compatible, and in this case, we say fair enough. I mean, you'll probably be feeling the same, right? In such cases, it's better to accept that things won't work out and part ways respectfully.
Verdict: You wouldn't know if you don't try!
If you want to 'make him wait' to make things more exciting and steamy, then that's okay. Just make sure you let him know that you're in control. We're sure he'll be more than happy to play along!
Verdict: Wait if you want to build up some sexual tension.
Okay, this one is totally justified. It's your first date after all- you don't want things to be too complicated the first time. Although, if period sex is something you're into, we won't judge! *wink* Just make sure that he's on board with the idea too!
Verdict: We'd suggest you wait till your period is over, but hey, whatever floats your boat!
While society can give you a million reasons to not have sex on the first date, we give you five reasons why you SHOULD!
Look, you both know that you're going to have sex eventually. So why waste three dates' worth of time, money and effort...only to find out they're bad in bed? If you have sex on the first date itself and you both enjoy yourself, you'll know that it is something worth pursuing. And if you find out that they're someone with extremely weird fetishes that you're NOT down with, you can kiss them goodbye (literally) after Date 1!
If you have sex on the first date and had a good time, chances are your next few dates are going to be fun and relaxed. This is because the pressure of 'first-time sex' will be off, and you can concentrate on getting to know each other better. Plus, you've seen each other naked - if that's not the ultimate ice-breaker, we don't know what is!
Okay, this might seem shallow, but hear us out. You can tell a lot about a person from their apartment. Does he still live like a frat boy with a messy mattress on the floor that's missing a bedsheet, Playboy posters taped to the walls and empty pizza boxes everywhere? That should set some alarm bells ringing! His place doesn't need to be swanky, it just needs to look like it is inhabited by a sane adult. And it's better you find out which category he falls under on the first date itself!
Withholding sex for later leads to a lot of relationship politics. There's going to be a constant power-play. Should you text them first? How long should you wait to call them? Should you wear sexy lingerie *in case* you end up having sex? There's just too much anxiety! Having sex on the first date eliminates all of that, and enables you to be straightforward with each other. And isn't that just *so* much easier?
It's biology, baby! Having sex is a natural and pleasurable act with a ton of health benefits: it lowers blood pressure, the risk of heart disease and is a great form of exercise! So you shouldn't really need a list of reasons to find an excuse to do it! Let's remove the shame and stigma around a basic human need.
So, after weighing the pros and cons of having sex on the first date, we've finally come to a concrete conclusion: and that is... you should do whatever YOU'RE comfortable with!
After all - your body, your choice.
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