Has it ever happened with you that you're in the middle of sex and your mind wanders to other things? It's like you aren't in that moment anymore. There is a possibility that this has less to do with your partner's abilities in bed and more to do with external factors like stress or your to-do lists. Your mind wanders and you think that it wasn't the best sex you had, not even close enough, and you didn't feel connected to your partner at all.
Now think of the best sex you've ever had! You were both in the moment and enjoying each other's company. The physical pleasure intensified due to the emotional connection and all that mattered right then was the two of you, with the outside world completely forgotten.
Well, that's the difference between average sex and toe-curling, mind-blowing, unable to breathe sex! Being present in the moment is all it takes and that is exactly what mindful sex is all about!
The pressure builds when people see sex as a means to an end i.e. orgasm and not a way to increase intimacy. The problem with our lives currently is that we are more worried about our jobs and money which makes sex just a quick way to blow off steam instead of a moment where you need to let go off everything else to be in the moment and enjoy it.
In a world full of distractions, from social media to Netflix, mindfulness becomes even more important to help you focus and concentrate. Research has constantly shown that all people who previously complained of lack of enjoyment during sex (women due to difficulty achieving orgasms and men due to pressure to last) found that once they deliberately switched off their brains to just feel what their bodies wanted, sex just got much better. And that's what mindfulness is all about - focussing on your senses and sensations rather than the outside world.
An easy way to practice being mindful is to be present in whatever you are doing. Let's say you're in the shower. Instead of making to-do lists or planning the day, just quietly feel the water stream on your body, look around, hear the noise the shower is making. Be in your body rather than in your mind. You can do this activity several times a day for a more mindful living.
It has also been proven that people who are more mindful, especially during sex, are way more likely to be better partners than those who aren't. In fact, they offer their partners also more satisfaction in the bedroom than their non-practising counterparts. If that's not a reason to be mindful, we don't know what is!
1. Breathe Deeply
Any moment your mind starts wandering, breathe deeply and take a stock of your surroundings you are being mindful. So while having sex, whenever you're feeling out of your depth, stop and take a few deep and calming breaths and just go with what your body is feeling. Another amazing tip is to synchronise your breathing with your partner's and that'll make everything more meaningful. Maybe even practise tantric sex and that'll help.
2. Be Present
It is important to be exactly where you are and not in the present or future. Remove distractions like phones and tablets from your immediate surroundings, silence thoughts that are sidetracking you and avoid internal dialogue about your body or your performance. You need to be a participant, not an observer. Like I said, get out of your mind and into your body.
3. Acceptance & Non-Judgement Are Important
Don't put pressure on yourself for being absolutely perfect (or for orgasming). Sex is a journey, not a destination. Let go of the shaming thoughts, especially your ego. You need to feel it at a deeper, carnal level and not just as an evaluative exercise. At the end of the day, mindfulness is all about paying attention to the present moment without judgement.
Meditating is the same as being mindful. So to practise it in the bedroom, master it outside before. Once, every day for 10-15 minutes, sit in complete silence and just be present. Take note of what is happening inside of you, pause your thoughts, clear your mind and focus on breathing and your heartbeats. This will really do wonders for your health - mental and sexual.
5. Be Open To New Possibilities
Don't freak out every time there is a chance to try something new. Instead, embrace it. The worst that could happen is that you won't like it and that's okay. So until you and your partner try something out, you won't know if it is good or not. There is no way to control everything and that's okay.
6. Focus On Foreplay
By saying you need to focus on foreplay, we don't mean that you need to give the best blowjob of your life. We mean that you need to explore each other's bodies with reverence. Their body and full attention are one of the best gifts your partner can give you so treat it like a gift. Get to know their body as well as you know your own and take your time doing it.
7. Look Into Each Other's Eyes
This is another pro-tip. Looking into your partner's eyes during sex will bring you back to the present moment and will intensify your feelings.
AWESOME NEWS! POPxo SHOP is now Open! Get 25% off on all the super fun mugs, phone covers, cushions, laptop sleeves, and more! Use coupon code POPXOFIRST.