Any relationship - be it a marriage or friendship, doesn't work if it's a one-way street. If you think you're the only one putting efforts into your marriage or the one who always tries to initiate conversations and spend quality time with your husband, then it's understandable that you're going through a lot. I’m sure you are experiencing mixed emotions of feeling sad, confused, angry, frustrated and lonely all the time.
From the outside you and your partner might still be the perfect couple, you may even be a unit for your kids, but on the inside, there’s no ‘we’ in the relationship anymore. It’s you and him living as separate entities. And to get back to where you guys were will obviously take time and commitment, but it’s not impossible. Here are some things that you can do:
1. Introspect first and work on yourself
Your spouse was very much in love with you but is now acting distant, so there’s got to be a reason. This doesn't mean the problem is always with you, but it is a possibility. Sometimes introspecting and understanding where you went wrong can do wonders.
2. Really hold his hands and talk to him
Communication is crucial in every relationship. Sometimes, just talking solves most problems. Having a one-on-one conversation with him can help you understand what is going through his head. Hold his hands, look deep into his eyes and you might get to know why he’s acting like he is.
3. Pour your heart out and give it everything
Marriage is hard work and it’s not always hearts and flowers and fuzzy feelings. Sometimes one partner has to have enough love for the two of them. If you think you can’t have a face-to-face chat with him, pen your thoughts down as a letter or email and tell him how much he means to you. Many times the reality in our head and in the other person's head is completely different, and thus you need to make him understand your situation.
4. Be yourself, your true self, the one he fell in love with
Marriage sometimes manages to morph you and your partner into one person. You change as a person, sometimes in a good way and sometimes in a bad way, and your personalities merge. Maybe the key to rekindling your love is finding who you really were when he first fell in love with you.
5. Plan to do things that you both did before the monotony of life kicked in
Plan surprises for him like date nights, movie nights and weekend getaways, tiny ways of saying that you love him, because sometimes distance comes between two people and ruins all good things they had. Find a way of covering that distance up and things might go back to normal.
6. Finally, give him an ultimatum
If nothing else works, just give your husband an ultimatum that this is what you want from him and you’re not going to settle for anything less. More often than not, this will jolt him into realising what he’s losing.
I'm sure that right now the pain and sadness seem excruciating, but trust me, it gets better.
GIFs: Giphy, Tumblr
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