Facing rejection is a part of life. Everyone has to go through it at some point or the other – be it at a dance competition in school, a job interview or a prospective rishta meeting. But nobody said anything about it being easy. It hurts, no matter what the reason is. And somehow it’s even worse when you’re rejected at a rishta meeting the lamest of reasons. I found an interesting Quora thread where people had shared their experiences of being rejected at an arranged marriage meeting, how they felt about it and how they handled it. And interestingly, there were also some people who were there to tell the other side of the story – how they felt after rejecting a prospective match. Here you go…
1. Never take anything personally… Never!
“I was 25 and a successful finance professional expressed interest in me and then rejected me after seeing my picture. I cried my heart out. Simply put, I think people reject matches based on so many baseless things – looks, age, height, weight etc.
I have rejected guys too, but that was because I felt he was too handsome or too smart and I felt a sense of insecurity. Maybe even the guys must’ve felt bad about this but no one should stay upset over it for long. We should use each rejection as a way of believing that better things are yet to come. But one thing – just always be truthful. I once spoke to a guy in USA for about 8 months and he lied to me all this while only to break my heart at the end. That is the worst feeling in the world. So whatever you feel, just tell it truthfully.”
2. I felt so terrible for rejecting her…
“I know myself quite well, and it takes me a substantial amount of time to accept someone even as my close friend. And if you think about choosing a person whom you are going to wake up next to every morning, of course until death do us apart, the selection criteria would be more stringent. And to even consider a profile, it has to be exciting and spark an interest. Sadly for this girl my parents found for me on a matrimonial site, I didn’t find her interesting. I met her once on my parents’ insistence but had to say no. I felt terrible, but that’s how it is! I just hope she finds a good person, someone who is much better than me for her, and may she spend the rest of her life as happily as she may have wanted to.”
3. I thought I had to reject her, but then…
“I had gone for a rishta meeting with my parents but I knew that I wasn’t ready for marriage. The girl was really nice, she was smart, very chirpy and looked pretty. While coming back from their house too I couldn’t stop thinking about her because she was actually that good. I also felt very bad for rejecting her. I did not want her to feel bad. But incidentally, they never contacted us and we didn’t contact them obviously. It’s silly but I felt a little bad about it, I had also gotten rejected after all!
I am just saying that not all guys are heartless jerks, who take pride in rejecting girls because of stupid reasons. We understand rejections too, some of us have been ditched by their girls for ‘better’ guys, many of us have been rejected by girls when we approached them and thus we don’t enjoy making others feel rejected.”
4. Just know that you deserve a fairytale, and you’ll get one!
“When a suitor comes to see you, you either like him or you don’t. Also, you are confused. So, if a guy that you’ve liked says no, you feel crushed. For obvious reasons. And a guy you don’t like says no, you still feel bad because you’d think your self-worth came down. And if you’re confused, you wonder where you went wrong that you didn’t even get another fair chance. Basically, it’s very hurtful and it lowers your self-esteem. It hurts your family too. Your mother, who would have imagined calling him ‘son’, your dad, who hugged you and cried because you’d go away, and your extended family because there’s no new wedding coming up to have fun. You get rejected for all the lame reasons. And just like that, you deny, you get angry, you bargain, you get sad, and finally, you come to accept. You accept the fact that the best is yet to come. That you deserve your fairytale. And that you’ll get one.”
5. The first thing I felt after I rejected the match was sheer disappointment…
“Rejecting someone is never easy. The first thing that I had to deal with after I rejected him was the disappointment because my expectations were not fulfilled too. And I knew I’d have to go through the same process of finding and meeting boys, which was irritating. I personally felt bad when they called my parents and asked for our view. But, what I think is if you don’t like the guy, then nothing matters. You have to spend your life with them, so it’s better to say no now than to delay it and make them feel worse.”
6. It’s not really a big deal!
“An arranged marriage meeting is anyway a matter of few hours, maybe once or twice. The meeting is arranged keeping in mind that rejection from either side is very much possible. Except for some cases where people develop some sort of feelings for the prospective match within a day, these rejections are not so difficult to overcome.
Personally, I have rejected a few guys just for saying they will agree to whatever their parents decide and have been rejected a couple of times myself. I feel rejecting someone is better than agreeing for the wrong reasons or under pressure.”
7. It doesn’t affect just her, it affects her family too
“It definitely affects more than two people. The family of the rejected party also feels deflated and sad, even if it is for a bit. A guy rejected me because I was an MBA, working in a reputed MNC and he was a civil engineer working on government projects. He thought I was ‘much lower to him education-wise’ and that he would only want an engineer wife. Well, good for him. I won’t say I didn’t feel bad about it, but I soon realised that I am a successful and independent woman, and a lot of better things are going to come my way soon.”
The next time you face rejection, just remember that there are a lot of people who go through the same, get over it and then move forward to better things in life. Don’t let rejections get the best of you, okay?
