Let me just put it out there - breakups suck. However it happens, whether it's mutual, one-sided, peaceful, gut-wrenching, it doesn't matter, it absolutely sucks.
Our general instinct is to run away and shut the emotions out. That's when you put things like 'to get over someone, get under someone else' into motion and make it the reality of your life. The wave of emotions that hit us all at once can't be handled so we tend to just ignore them all. What makes me such an expert, you ask? Because this is everything I've done to deal with multiple breakups all through my life.
And having gone through this process so many times, I know that these short-cuts we take to shush the voices in our heads momentarily don't help. But don't worry, here is everything you can do to get up, wipe those tears and emerge stronger than before.
We all have some place we call 'home'. You know that safe zone where nothing bad could touch you. Go back and visit that place. It may be in the arms of your parents who love you unconditionally, or in the warmth of your cozy room, it could also be in the endless chatter with your best friend. Personally, I find it when my fluffball dog is curled up next to me. Whatever it is, go back there, you'll find yourself more at ease.
Bottling those feelings up never helped anybody. So instead of trying to have it all together and being composed all the time, it's okay to give into your emotions and just cry everything out. Listen to breakup tracks, Channa Mereya should be your anthem and just let yourself be broken for some time.
It's true that relationships are a time-consuming process, you're so in love that you want to spend as much time together. And in that process, it's only natural to sideline other relationships. Go back to those, get sloshed with your crew, have candlelight dinners with them. Girls are each other's biggest support system, they'll brighten up your mood, for sure.
Now I know this does sound preachy and somewhat like those Tumblr posts you read. But loving yourself is as basic as it gets. Reunite with that hobby you left 'cause adulting got too hard and if you never had one, try out new things to discover what you love. Join a painting class or that filmmaking workshop you always wanted to take. Try to divert all the negativity in you and turn it into something productive.
A breakup really takes a toll on your confidence. That feeling of not being worthy of love is one of the worst in the world. The best way to get into that regime is by taking a vow of fitness. I know sugar calls out your name and that breaking up gives you license to eat ice cream (at least according to Sex and the City) but I'm not kidding, you'll feel a great deal happier if work out. And here's a pro - if your ex cheated on you, you could always imagine his face on the punching bag!
We all have these unsaid breakup rules like the person who starts dating first after the breakup wins this 'war'. Please throw this garbage out of your head. You guys are both mature adults and need to behave like it. Waiting patiently and taking time off for yourself is a great thing, don't turn it into a rat race.
Now I know the dreariness of mundane life can bring you down and add to that mix a breakup, boy can it be taxing. So always have something to look forward to. Maybe plan fun weekend getaways with your friends from time to time or plan brunches with your mom for Saturdays, and of course like every chic flick taught us, go on a fabulous vacation! (Uhh, if you're not broke like me.)
As humans we have the tendency to blame others. "He did this and hence this happened", but that's not always the whole truth. Ponder over the good days and the bad ones spent with him and understand that you both made mistakes and that it's okay. Let your ex be a teacher and thank him for all the lessons he's taught you. Go sit on your favourite spot and write him a letter listing down everything you've learned from him, you don't need to send it, it'll just be there to remind of the progress you've made.
Just remember, you've got this. And you don't need to settle for anything less than the best!