Before I begin, I need you to know that it took a lot of courage to write this. Even more than to keep it all in for as long as I did but now, finally, I have to let it out. And since I promised you that the last time we spoke would actually be the last time we ever speak, I'm going to take advantage of my profession (and the internet) to say what I want and hope it reaches you. I don't mean to insinuate anything with this letter but I've been very emotional these past few days. And while there is a chance that you may not get to read this, I'm going to do it anyway!
The day I've been dreading for over a year now is finally here. I have to see you get married. Even though I saw a little glimpse of the ceremonies last year, I know that even today, I won't be able to handle it well. I can promise to try, though! I remember when you had your little ceremony last year; I thought I was prepared to stand by and see it all. Turns out, I wasn't. I broke down, and how! You were the first love of my life and that is something I can never change. I can vividly recall the autumn of 2010, when we were first introduced to each other; and then, the first time we split up. It's not easy to forget all that we did to each other. Safe to say, we both have had our moments of stupidity and so both of us are to blame equally. I didn't ask you to stay when I could have because I was too young and naive to understand how relationships work. I am not ashamed to say this; but, if there's anything I could change, I would go back in time and ask you to be with me and do everything to make sure it happened. We were each other's support and - considering our history - I thought we'd eventually stop running from each other and finally be together. Little did I know you'd move on for good because you never think the worst is going to happen, right? But I've made my peace with it. Such is life.
I know you always said that we should both move on and be happy for each other. I am happy for you, I swear! But there's something I've come to realise in this process. I've never felt for anyone as I felt for you and even though it's too stupid and too late now, but this is my moment of epiphany. And, like I said, I am very happy for you because you've finally met the love of your life. Confused? I am, too! However, this is a part of growing up. I know for sure I'll meet someone this special too and have my fairytale wedding someday. But, you're always going to stay in a corner of my heart. Now, the song Raabta makes so much sense to me!
I have seen other boys I've dated settle down but what I'm feeling now is something I've never experienced before. It's true when they say that you never forget your first love - atleast I can't. You are the Mr Big to my Carrie and while we may never have the super cute ending, I need you to know that it's okay. And I'm okay. I wish you all the very best. Thank you for having me as a part of your life. Nobody has been able to top the time I spent with you. From text messages to WhatsApp to BBMs, we have so many memories together, it's crazy! And I cherish each of them equally.
If she's around, show her this because I need to tell her a few things. You're beautiful; both inside and out. You have the only man I've ever loved and I hope you'll take good care of him. He may show that he's strong and deep down, he is, but he still needs you. He is a man who always keeps his word and that's rare. Even though he and I messed it up so many times, I know how pure his heart is. I have known him for over eight years. Maybe he has changed over the years, but he still is the best anyone can have! You're a lucky girl. I wish I was in your place but I'm not and so I am here, wishing you all the very best.
I hope you guys have a wonderful wedding and an even better marriage!
The constant I'll always be!