Until a year ago, I never really liked the way I looked. I was constantly complaining about my body; my bulging stomach, my increasing weight, my really heavy arms and even my double chin… The list was quite endless and so was my hate.
I was one of those, ‘just like everyone’ (not generalising) women who hated their bodies but didn’t do anything to change that. Of course, it wasn’t like I didn’t try. Two days of crash dieting, three days of eating healthy, a juice cleanse and a million other failed attempts later, I still disliked my body and how it looked, just as much.
It was almost as if everything I tried failed (without doing anything) and I began to really hate the way I looked when I faced the mirror. I made fun of myself but even body shamed myself to no end. My parents have always been my best friends and best critics, and happened to be quite fit all their lives. To see me gain weight at the speed of light (10kgs overweight at this point), my mother reasoned me to get a blood test. I told her off, so my father immediately told me that if I didn’t ‘change’ my lifestyle I will be diagnosed with diabetes and hypertension.
All of this did scare me but it still didn’t push me to move my ass/body and burn some calories… and the load of crap that I was eating. It was last winter and I thought I could just let the season pass under layers of coats and jackets but there was something about the year ending that made me feel dissatisfied. I drank and ate to my heart’s delight on New Year’s Eve and decided to make this my one and only new year resolution – to become healthier.
So from 1st January, I joined an aerobic class and kept at it for three months. I’d lost some inches but no significant weight loss. The only thing I thought to myself this time around which was different from all other times, was that I won’t stop. I will make a lifestyle change and workout nevertheless. I will exercise to make myself feel more active, less fatigued and just more positive.
I switched from the aerobics class to yoga, I also started running and kept increasing my goals till I saw a lot of my clothes become loose and a lot of my old clothes fit me once again. I can’t explain the feeling! I was falling in love with myself… all over again. For the first time, I had channeled my hate into something constructive and the feeling was surreal. I had finally started listening to my body and how it felt after having a cheat day or something heavy. I learned the fine art of eating a balanced diet.
I still haven’t reached my goal weight but I still respect and love my body how it is because I have seen the change. I still have stretch marks and I probably won’t look the best in a bikini, but the only difference between then and now is that I know I can. It was no longer about looking a certain way but feeling more healthier on an everyday basis. I can’t stress enough to everyone who is trying to lose weight about how it is so important to channel all your angst against your body into true self-love. Staying active and fit is the only way to love your body.
