When people wish me a ‘pleasant flight’, or a ‘happy journey’, I often think I might as well have a wheel of fortune that determines what kind of journey I am going to have. Why? Because I sure as hell can’t predict it! Every trip is bookended by our experiences on the flight and at the airport. And this is largely dependent on the kind of people that the cards of karma deal you!
From demonic and shrill wailing babies to the annoying security check hold-up dude who doesn’t know what the hell he is doing, we bring you a comprehensive list of the different types of fellow travellers that can amuse or annoy you.
For those who love nothing more than a good snooze when time permits them to do so, the need for sleep is immediate and the struggle, real AF. You’ll find these people either contorted and snuggled into the uncomfortable chairs at the gates, or even leaning on them, with their feet sprawled in front of them..oblivious to the world around them. I envy you guys. I really do!
Impeccable suits, sleek laptops, and the professional tone are all dead giveaways of the travelling businessman, who loves nothing more than to sit at a coffee shop and pore over his emails until it is time for him to board his gate. They seem to do everything with a sense of purpose, and often fit right into the ambience of the airport, making the rest of us wonder what their vacation trips probably look like.
In spite of repeatedly being informed of rules of security checks, including putting ALL your bags for screening, you’ll still find some mind-numbing idiots who will walk right through the curtains for checking, only to be sent back through them for not listening to the damn rules in the first place! How hard was it to for your brain to process the instruction that your laptop is to be taken out of its case and put in a tray, man?!
As a traveller who comes under this category, I would like to believe that these are the most chill kind of people you’d see at airports. They either already have a book in hand, or will venture into the nearest bookstore to buy themselves a copy (or two) or their favourite authors, comfortably settling in on the chairs or coffee shops to enjoy their quality time.
Call me a terrible person, but I would request nothing short of an exorcism for infants who scream like the devil is set loose on them during plane journeys. And while I understand that babies can get uncomfortable due to air pressure during takeoff and landing, what excuse do parents have for coming ill-prepared for the event of such an occurrence?! Absolutely nothing scares me more than being seated next to a wailing baby on a plane (except maybe falling to my death, but I might just survive that!)
Women, in particular, may have experienced these horrible species of human beings, as it is really hard to escape their gaze, no matter how sincerely try to avoid them. Men who stare at you like you’re a piece of meat, no matter how modestly clothed you are, give me the heebie-jeebies. They lurk around the seats when you’re at the boarding gate, or worse, happen to sit next to you on the plane and make you so uncomfortable, you want to voluntarily fall out of the emergency exit and be happy about it!
They have a million questions, and a couple more paranoid inquiries, topped off with a list of ‘everything that could go wrong in my journey’ with them at all times. They’re the arm-rest-clutchers, and the feverish prayer mumblers who pop a calming sedative or a sleep medication to make sure hysterics don’t get to them mid-flight.
THIS is the kind of passenger you gotta aim to be, in life. Their suitcases are properly and adequately packed, their carry-on luggage is light and of an acceptable weight, they’re dressed for comfort and cause little to no problems to those around them, they whiz through security checks and customs by following all the instructions to the T, and you know they’ve been travelling way too frequently to have had gone through all the shitstorm faced by newbies. Thank you for being such good passengers, you guys!.
We’ve either been one, or we’ve seen one. May God help you if you’ve been unlucky enough to be stuck at the check-in counter behind a person/family who has clearly packed way more than what’s acceptable by the airline, but will still stand and put up a fight, exclaiming why they’re right. They don’t move, they’re loud, they’re hella rude, and they can’t seem to empathise with the others waiting to check-in, thus making them the most obnoxious ass hats of all the types of travellers.
So, what kind of traveller are you? Let us know!
Images: Shutterstock, Giphy