Recently, during a drunk conversation with a friend, we started sharing secrets. She told me something she was super embarrassed about - she had fantasized about another guy while having sex with her boyfriend. While I thought nothing of it at the time, after all true friendship comes with no judgements, it had me thinking later if this was a common thing.
To my surprise, it was. According to a survey of 1,300 people by Lovehoney, Britain’s biggest online sex toy brand, 46% of women have admitted to fantasizing about another man while having sex with their current partner. While I assume the number is somewhat similar for India (if not larger because, let’s not kid ourselves, please), what might be different would be the level of guilt Indian women go through considering how taboo sex and all sexual fantasies in India are. So my next question was, is it normal? Well, let’s find out!
First things first, fantasies are healthy. A study has previously shown that fantasies occur for the most to people who have the least amount of sexual problems. So thinking about things like role play or others is just a way to get over the edge and climax. While your fantasies, in particular, may be dark and forbidden, they are just ways to pleasure yourself through daydreaming!
It happens to everyone and denying the truth to yourself, if you ever indulge in some harmless fantasy, is only going to hurt you. If you do it out of pleasure or boredom, it is okay. If you have been with a partner for a while and sex has become a little monotonous, it is okay to think about that cute neighbour or that movie star you’ve always had a crush on. But remember, the key here is imagining them once in a really long while!
Like all other good things, fantasizing too much during sex can be a cause of worry. As mentioned above, if you do think about someone else, once in a blue moon, it is not a cause of worry. But if you find yourself resorting to fantasies on a regular basis to orgasm, then it is something you need to work on. It is possible that your fantasies are now a coping mechanism to deal with your feelings about the relationship. You could be bored, harbouring ill feelings toward your partner, or just not intimate enough. In this case, please do not give yourself the green light to indulge in fantasies about other people!