I had always been on the heavier side. The kinds most aunties would call, ‘Pleasantly plump.’ And to be honest, I was quite unaware about it until I realized that it was a problem. I was happily enjoying a bar of candy when my desk partner in school yelled, “Just how fat do you want to get, MOTI.” I was fat and I knew it. But somehow, it was always laced with my mom assuring me that it I was ‘healthy’ and had nothing to worry about. That somehow became my defense mechanism along the years. I would snap back at my peers and even family members stating that I was ‘healthy’ and not fat and that it was them who had a problem. When things got worse, I would just find resort in a large deep dish Pizza or a giant bowl of ice cream which was always stacked in my refrigerator.
This behaviour continued through my teens and even my pre adult phase. While everyone was obsessed with ‘finding the right guy,’ I would happily tug in bed with my McDonalds Happy Meal and watch movies on repeat. My parents were obviously worried and asked me to open up and spend more time with my friends. To be honest, I loved going out for parties and making new friends, but I resisted not just because of the taunts but also because nothing in my wardrobe fit my body!
My unhealthy relationship with food was turning out to be quite toxic. It was either me eating a lot of food or nothing at all, in order to fit into that skirt. These constant bodily and emotional fluctuations led me to a hospital, which in a way, was a turning point in my life. I had fainted in college, thanks to my ‘two day orange juice only diet.’ It was an extremely painful experience, I was so weak that my mom had to help me every time I had to use the bathroom. My parents had never forced their ideologies on me and nothing had changed this time too. But I saw their tears and that led me to change my lifestyle for the better. I was 22 but was leading a life of a vegetable where I needed constant assistance from others. This was tragic, and I felt nothing but pity for myself. A girl who was excellent in studies and a go getter, was suddenly reduced to being a failure, something I could never accept.
So as soon as I was discharged from the hospital and was fine enough to lead my daily life, I did something that I hated. I joined a gym. It was painful, but I continued. And with the help of a fantastic trainer and a diet chart, I was able to knock off 70 pounds in a year. It was like I had found a new life. It was not entirely about losing weight, but about being able to do things that I once enjoyed. I felt healthier, happier and more at ease with myself. My newfound passion in exercise encouraged me to become a fitness trainer at my nearby gym and that is where I found Zeus. He was one of my clients and even though he was extremely fit, he would regularly come to gym and chat with me. One thing led to another and he finally asked me out on a date. It all seemed like a dream… I had never been asked out by a guy before and this surely was very overwhelming for me. Our date was the best thing that had ever happened to me. It soon graduated into a relationship and six months later Zeus proposed to me. The wedding planning started soon and I was busy making sure that every detail was planned to the T. But 8 months of constant running around left me with no time for myself. Every time I went for fittings, my measurements were always different, thanks to the innumerable self-help diet books I had read and followed blindly. It took me a little while to realize the damage I was doing to my body yet again. It also brought back memories of my time at the hospital and I decided to not make the same mistake again. I realized that I had quickly gained weight even after sweating it out in the gym because I had not made a continued lifestyle change. I realized that I had never truly thought about myself. It was always for others; I read diet books or joined the gym to lose weight and to fit into my dream wedding outfit.and not because I wanted to lead a healthy life. These were societal pressures that I adhered to, without even respecting my well being, my body.
As I sat down with Zeus, I realized just how terribly disillusioned I was about body issues as a bride. Zeus loved me for who I was, and certainly didn’t care about which size of a dress I wore! My body is my temple, and I am glad I realized this just in time. I feel sad reading about the special ‘Wedding Weight Loss Packages’ and the umpteen ‘Self Help Diet Books’ that magically guarantee an instant weight loss which is nothing but a big fraud. Stop battling with your bodies and invest in a healthy lifestyle for life and not just for a set occasion. I did, and it certainly helped!
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