I signed up for a dating app - you know out of curiosity - to know how it works; though, I deleted it within 5 days of installing it. I had put my Snapchat ID in my bio so yeah, I got a lot of followers because of that. One day, a guy approached me on Snapchat - let's call him David.
David told me about himself, his work and how much he likes me. I was a bit surprised initially but I let the conversations happen anyway. After he insisted to go on a date with me for days, I finally agreed. He wasn’t looking for a serious relationship and his first priority was his career and I was okay with that.
We didn’t interact much, but there was a strange sense of guilt within me which led to me giving him a chance to kiss me; even get intimate! Though we didn’t have sex he was my first kiss ever. Even though I never believed in the whole concept of modern dating and getting intimate with someone just after a few dates, I still went ahead with whatever happened between us.
Meanwhile, another guy texted me on Instagram - let's call him Mike. I started talking to him and he began to message me on a daily basis. Things were moving a little forward when, one day, he lost his phone. He texted me from his friend's phone to inform me about it and I told him to immediately email WhatsApp requesting to deactivate his account so that no one could misuse it. Over a period of time, we started getting close and our conversations moved from Instagram to Facebook, soon after which we shifted to talking over the phone. We used to talk for hours, to a point where he’d ask me to call him and wake him up in the morning for office.
Then, one day he wanted to meet me and so he directly came to my college. I asked him to leave because I'm an introvert, and honestly, it is tough for me to all of a sudden meet people. The next day, there he was again, standing outside my college, waiting to meet me, and so I agreed to meet him. And honestly, I enjoyed meeting him. Soon after, we started meeting every day. He used to sneak out of his office just to meet me even though it meant he’d be held up by his boss. I knew from the start that he liked me but I had already told him about my not-so-serious relationship with David.
But somewhere down my heart, I knew David didn't care about me the way Mike did. And that difference pulled me away from David towards Mike.
Mike and I planned to watch La La Land on the day of my last exam, along with two of his friends. I sat next to Mike during the movie, and he held my hand. I rested my head on his shoulder and I could feel the tension between us. He then asked me, “Can I kiss you?” I told him no. He kept asking the same question and I kept saying no. But, when he asked me one last time, and I didn’t say anything, he decided to go ahead and kiss me anyway. I kissed him back, involuntarily. Instantly, I was hit by a wave of guilt. I immediately stopped, and thoughts like - what have I done, I just cheated on David, this can’t happen… began to flood my head. I was angry at Mike and I was angry at myself. I refused to look at him even though he kept saying sorry till the time he dropped me home.
I felt so guilty that I asked him to never contact me again. He was shocked and terribly upset and asked me not to do this. And well, after some talking, I agreed to stay in touch with him and he promised he wouldn't do it again.
Out of guilt, I asked David that I wanted to end my relationship with him, without telling him the actual reason. He agreed easily, and I was shocked. He didn’t try to convince me to stay. In fact, he seemed quite okay with my decision. And that’s when I realised he was only in this relationship for the physical part. But, thankfully, I never reached the point where he and I ever had sex. And the kiss between Mike and me made me think, a lot. It made me realise that I genuinely liked him a lot and would want to spend the rest of the days kissing him, the way we did in the theater.
I asked him to meet me at his place to watch his favourite movie - 10 Things I Hate About You. He picked me up from college and we reached his place. We started watching the movie and just when a kissing scene was on, Mike said, “I'm gonna kiss you now.” And he started kissing me. Slowly, it turned into a passionate make-out session and in no time we were having sex. And just when we were done, he said I love you for the first time and I reciprocated. That day marked the beginning of our relationship. He is the best guy I could ever have asked for. He is my best friend, my mentor and my lover. We’ve been together for a year and we are still going strong.
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