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So, you met a really cute guy at the bar and you really hit it off with each other. You danced together, managed to speak in spite of the really loud music and connected so well! You two were totally into each other and all your friends can vouch for that. At the end of the night, you two exchanged phone numbers and promised to catch up soon. Now it’s been two days and his message hasn’t landed in your inbox yet.
There are really no right or wrong answers to this. Commonplace chauvinism tells us that women aren’t supposed to make the first move else ‘the man will lose interest’ since men are naturally born to be the pursuers. But, here in the 21st century, when we talk about equality and work very hard to do away with assigned gender roles, are we really going to worry ourselves about texting a guy first?
The answer to the question ‘should I text him first’ is easy. It shouldn’t depend on your fear or apprehension of being judged. Ask yourself where you are emotionally and if you really want to know this person better. If you really liked the guy and felt there was potential, go ahead, text him a simple ‘hey’ and see where it goes from there. While waiting for his reply, prepare yourself for a possible no show and try not to take it personally. It’s not you, it is them! In case he does text you back and carries the conversation forward, be very sure of what you deserve, set boundaries and accept nothing less than that. If the guy blows you off or behaves in a way that you find insulting, give him a cheery farewell and send him packing on his way. Ain’t nobody got time for losers!
I asked a few guy friends if they’d like a woman to text them first, and to my pleasant surprise, most of them had the same answer. A woman texting first showed them that they were, maybe, desired and they’re onboard with that. On the other hand, no contact from the woman was a clear sign of no interest and why would you text somebody who isn’t into you? In short, all the mental games that people play make it difficult for both the parties to understand if the other wants to make a move or not. The men are just as clueless and confused as we are!
However, if you’re in a relationship and for some reason, may be there was an argument or you’re just angry at them, there is no reason for you not to text. You’re past the mental games stage and communication needs to be your priority. Do not fear that you would come off as needy because the right person will never judge you for anything - even if you were the one at fault. Be secure in the relationship and in who you are and send that first text. Or the second, third and fourth!
Ladies, there is no point in losing the potential love of your life (or a potential good friend even) because you were scared of texting first. Ego trips are fun but avoid them when it comes to something you care about. Detachment isn’t a virtue after all. So get on with it, text your (future) lover with that first ‘Hi’!
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