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To My Boyfriend's Girl Bestie,
Hi. It’s time we had a serious discussion and I set some much-needed boundaries. Thank you for being there for my boyfriend in his times of need. When he needed support and motivation, thank you for being his number one. But now that I’m here, I’ll take care of him. I want to be his go-to person and I want him to rush to me whenever he has a problem. I’m taking over that responsibility and I hope you understand.
Let’s not be bitter or hold a grudge against each other. Things change when friends get in a relationship. He will cancel plans with you to spend time with me, there won’t be 2 AM phone calls anymore and you cannot hug him or hold his hand like you used to. I know it’s a lot to take in but it is what it is!
Haha! Scared you, didn’t I? Isn’t that what you expected when you started reading this letter? I’m sorry for giving you such a difficult time. I can imagine your pained expression while reading what I’ve written above. That’s probably what the world expected from us. But here is what I actually want to tell you.
Society has a difficult time understanding platonic friendships between opposite genders. After all, “ek ladka aur ek ladki kabhi dost nahi ho sakte”. For years, friendship has been romanticised and everybody wants to fall in love with their best friend because it seems like a cool thing to do. All the hype about love has overshadowed the beauty of the simple pleasure that is friendship.
But I understand.
I understand that you two are ‘only friends’, as if a word could define the bond you two share. I know you’ve been his shoulder to cry on, his long phone calls, his punching bag, his shopping partner, his critic, his fan and everything in between. He loves you and by that extension, so do I. Not as an obligation, but out of choice. Everyone who matters to him, matters to me.
I wish for us to be friends, maybe not best friends but close pals. When I say that, I have my own reasons. Hear me out once. I want you to be his person before mine. There may come a time when he and I decide to part ways, even though I will try my best to never let that happen. But in the unfortunate event that the two of us separate, he should never feel that he lost a part of his best friend to me too!
I’m not going to fight you for him. He is not a kingdom up for grabs and we are not two warriors with equal claims. He is a smart adult (or at least I think so!) who has chosen to give us each a special place in his life, one that neither of us can take away from the other. By maintaining the status quo, we both get to win and at the end of the day, that’s what life's all about, finding a middle ground. At times, I do wish I was his best friend and girlfriend but as circumstance will have, I’m not. And because I love him so much, I will not force him to let go of an important part of his life just so that I can put my insecurities to rest. He deserves better than that, from both of us.
But this is not an unselfish act of sacrifice, if that’s what you are thinking. I’m very selfish. After all, I need another woman to explain to him why I’m mad when I’m giving him the silent treatment and what to do for me that’ll instantly perk me up when I’m down. I need you on my side because a little help is always welcome. Also, I need his best friend to tell me why he’s upset about something that I did or what is his favourite dish to eat in a particular season. Love is a difficult game and both of us could use your help.
I think it’s time women stopped seeing other women as threats. After all, it is possible for them to be each other’s support system too. Let’s start with us and set an amazing example for everyone else.
Looking forward to multiple double dates and lazy nights in.
A Girlfriend With A Guy Best Friend
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