I Had Sex Before I Got Married & I Don't Think It's Wrong

I Had Sex Before I Got Married & I Don't Think It's Wrong

Being in love is the best thing that ever happens to anyone. Well, atleast that’s what I have heard. Don’t get me wrong, I am still a firm believer in love, even though I’m no longer in a relationship.

Last week, a heated discussion with a colleague, about what we would do for love, got me thinking. Well, I might not know what I would do for love but I know there is a long list of things that I would definitely NEVER do.

Compromising on who I am, giving up my dreams and succumbing to social pressure to be ‘the ‘good Indian girl’ for Sharma ji’s only son’ - are just a couple of things I will never do. I am proud to be a strong independent girl who can take care of herself and I decided long back to not let anything affect the way I think or feel in life.

Speaking of succumbing to the pressure of society, I was surfing through the internet when I came across a thread discussing premarital sex. I clicked on it expecting to see positive messages by women and men who think it’s not that big a deal anymore. But to my surprise I saw some really disturbing things. There were messages such as, “I don’t think my wife was a virgin when I married her and now I can’t be with her.” Another appalling one read, “Is there a way to fake virginity, I am getting married in a week and I don’t want my husband to find out that I’ve had sex”.

It upset me that men and women, in this day and age, would have such thoughts.

Internal sex before marriage - girl writing

Case in point: I was in love with a man who I wanted to marry. We were in a serious, committed relationship, and nothing else mattered. I felt like he was the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with so it felt right to lose my virginity to him. We did it when we were just 20 - nowhere close to starting a life together but still happy with the decision. The best of fairy tales fizzle and ours did too but nothing makes me feel like I should have waited. That I should’ve waited to get married before I had sex.

And I think it’s okay. No matter how much they tell you that you should have waited, it’s okay. No matter how much they judge you or shame you for being in love, I think it’s okay! When you’re in love, all is fair. It’s unfortunate that it didn’t work out with him but I won’t feel guilty for making a personal decision. I cannot apologize for doing what I thought was right for me. I will wait for the guy who thinks the same, and until then, I am setting myself free. Free from self-loathing thoughts. All for a society that still is unsure of what it wants.

The right man will come and will love me for exactly who I am and not diss me for the number of partners or the number of people I’ve been with. He won’t even care.. So, here’s me signing off by telling every girl that it’s not okay let people tell you what to do. Make your own rules and break them. After all, you live and you learn. Right girls?

And while you’re channeling your inner Beyonce, here are a few books that can totally come in handy for those warm Saturday evenings!

1. Jordan: Pushed to the Limit (Rs 340) by Katie Price

1 sex before marriage

2. A Woman Alone (Rs 822) by Faith Conlon, Ingrid Emerick and Christina Henry de Tessan

2 sex before marriage

3. #Girlboss (Rs 1,198) by Sophia Amoruso

3 sex before marriage

4. The Woman I Wanted To Be (Rs 884) by Diane von Furstenberg

4 sex before marriage

5. Yes Please (Rs 597) by Amy Poehler

5 sex before marriage

Be strong, be classy!

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