Dear future mother-in-law,
Now that we’re going to spend our lives together, let’s get to know each other, yes? I am my parents’ youngest daughter and for the past 25 years of my life, I have been pampered to no end. To think that I won’t be living amongst my family anymore scares me. To think that I’d be living with you and your family makes me a bit nervous. I mean, apart from my future husband, who would I even know there? Who would I speak to when he won’t be around? Will I even feel at home? For home is where the heart is, and I’d be leaving my heart behind, with my parents.
But why am I saying all this to you? Because I know you’ve been through this too. You too left your siblings, your parents, your tradition and your lifestyle behind to adapt to a different one. My mother did the same and I am sure, it is expected of me too. I respect the life you’ve built for your family, but I hope I don’t have to give up on mine. My mother has taught me to treat you the way I’d expect my future sister-in-law to be treated - with love and respect. She has asked me to give you her own place in my life, to put you even before I put her in my priorities. But here’s the thing – I don’t want to do it out of a sense of duty. I want to do it out of love, for it’ll be more real, more peaceful, more meaningful than a masked facade. I see so many women around me complain about their mother- in laws and how their life is miserable because of them. To be honest, it scares me, because I don’t want us to be one of them. I don’t want us to live side by side, under one roof and hate each other for what we did or what we didn’t do. Of course, we will have our share of fights, who doesn’t? But I hope we’re able to look past them. Because you see, I am ready to accept you as my mother. But it won’t work if you’re unable to accept me, with all my many flaws, as your daughter.
I know you must be concerned about bringing a new person into your family fold too. A person who’d hold much influence on your son and your future grandchildren, but may not necessarily share your temperament, habits, beliefs and opinions. To live with her in the home you’ve built, piece by piece, over the years won’t be easy, but maybe if we’d just give each other time, we’ll both form our own space in our shared household. After all, it is your son who has brought us together and neither of us loves him more than the other. I hope, then, that he never becomes the cause of our disagreements. I’d never try and become a mother to him, just as I hope you’d let me be the partner in his sorrows and joys. He’d only be happy to see the two most important women in his life get along, won’t he? To be honest though, I have a feeling that we’ll get along just fine, because you raised the man I fell in love with and if you’re what he’s made of, well, then you and I – we were meant to be, dear mother.