The problem with our country is that too many people suffer from verbal diarrhea and it has totally gone undiagnosed. That’s just a medical way of saying – ridiculous people, ridiculous opinions! We are so done with all of it and have decided that ignorance doesn’t feel like bliss anymore! We’ve listed some kickass replies for the next time someone asks you to “put on a little makeup.”
1. Why don’t YOU remove a little makeup? I think it’ll make you look *so* much better.
Two can play the same game so BRING IT!
2. I didn’t realize you were a professional image consultant. May I have your card?
Bet you didn’t see that one coming!
3. You may like to look like a Christmas tree all the time but that’s really not the look I’m going for.
*Hums Jingle Bells and walks away*
4. The multimillion-dollar beauty industry fooled you also into believing that we all need makeup! Sheesh, I thought you were smarter than that.
5. Makeup? What’s that? Never heard of such a thing. Was too busy learning how to be awesome from within.
And THAT’S how it’s done!
6. Makeup? Why? Are you getting married? Ohhhhh *squeals* CONGRATULATIONSSSS!
Record the priceless look on their face please.
7. Aunty, I’ll wear makeup when I’m older and need to hide my wrinkles. I’m fine for now, thank you very much.
*Insert mother of all fake smiles here*
8. I *am* wearing makeup. It’s the latest kind. Totally natural. Spent a bomb and got it from abroad. Cool, na?
Give them a totally genuine smile and watch them get convinced with that load of crap!
9. What did you say? My brain filters out crap on it’s own. It’s a gift, really.
Sit back, relax, and enjoy as the colour runs from their face after that epic burn!
10. Sshhh, don’t say it so loud. Someone might hear you and judge you for being the regressive and sexist person you are.
Say this one with a lot of drama and a stage whisper for full effect!
11. Why? Am I not pretty enough for you? Hang on while I look for f*cks to give.
Oops! Couldn’t find any.