This story was updated in January 2019.
There are so many stereotypes out there about introverts: they are quiet, they are mysterious and they HATE socialising. Since they make up 16-50% of the world’s population, chances are that you either know an introvert or are one yourself. While the idea of being romantically involved with this misunderstood personality type can seem confusing and overwhelming, that shouldn’t stop you from dating an introvert.
Just remember: as long as you make an effort to understand their personality type and moods, dating an introvert can be the best decision you’ll ever make! Don’t know where to start? Don’t worry, we’re here to help. Read on find out *everything* you need to know about dating an introvert.
Everyone knows that two major personality types exist for human beings: extroverts and introverts. However, it’s wrong to think of one as ‘good’ and the other as ‘bad’; they’re just different personality types and react differently to various situations. The major point of distinction between the two is that while extroverts gain energy from social gatherings and interacting with other people, the opposite is true for introverts. Introverts do enjoy meeting new people, but it comes with a certain limit, after which they need to take a break and recharge themselves.
But don’t confuse shyness with introversion. Introverts aren’t shy or socially anxious, they just prefer to snuggle up with a book rather than painting the town red till midnight! Introverts may seem quiet and unapproachable, but that’s only because they *hate* making small talk with a passion. They are observant and deep thinkers, and just prefer to have meaningful relationships over superficial ones. If you want to approach an introvert, try to find something the two of you can connect over. Try finding out about their likes and interests, and spark a conversation on one of them. No, you CANNOT flirt your way into their heart!
Every personality type has its positives and negatives, and dating an introvert comes with a TON of advantages. Most introverts will try to avoid casual relationships like the plague, given the fact that they’re superficial by nature. If you’re dating an introvert, you know that for them you’re the *real deal*. Read on if you want to know all the *amazing* upsides to dating an introvert.
Like we mentioned, introverts like to build meaningful relationships. Don’t expect cheesy pick-up lines from them! An introvert will never try to approach you with small talk at a crowded bar. Expect thoughtfully planned-out dates, and lots of deep conversations! They might be a little awkward initially, but your night is definitely going to end in a heart-to-heart. And once they get to you know you well, you can definitely expect special treatment from them!
Everyone knows that the true test of a relationship is how supportive your partner is when you are going through a tough time. Some people are all about flowers and holding hands but when the going gets tough, they are nowhere to be seen. Thankfully, you don’t need to be worry about any such behaviour if you’re dating an introvert. They might not be proclaiming their love for you from rooftops, but you can be sure that they WILL listen to your endless rants after a rough day at work. Looks like you found a keeper!
If there’s one thing that introverts hate, it’s conflict. Introverts are not confrontational people by nature, and if they have a problem, it’s likely that they’ll take it up with you like a mature adult, instead of creating a scene. If you do end up fighting about something, which, let’s admit, is *completely* normal, you can be assured it’s never going to get dirty. An introvert will always try to calm their partners down, try to reason with them and even give them space if necessary. You will never see them smashing plates or calling you names.
It is common knowledge that introverts have few (but very close) friends. If you’re part of their ride-or-die inner circle, you’re already important to them. But if you’re their significant other, get ready for some royal treatment! Introverts may be quiet, but their romantic gestures are GRAND! Not only will they make an effort to go all-out on special occasions, they’ll also make sure that you feel loved and cared for, every single day. And who doesn’t like coming home to little love notes and fresh flowers?
Introverts might be hard to get close to initially, but once you know them they make for immensely loyal partners. But that doesn’t mean they don’t understand the line between being close and being clingy. So if you’re having a late night out with your work buddies, you don’t have to worry about being flooded with questions about who you’re with and when you plan to get back home. Introverts are naturally trusting people, so chances are that while you’re partying the night away, they’re probably catching up on their favourite Netflix show with their dog. They understand the importance of space and time apart in a relationship, and they will give it to you.
Okay, now that you’re familiar with the positive aspects of dating an introvert, let’s admit that these quiet creatures do come with their own set of (minor) problems. If you want your relationship with your introverted partner to go smoothly, you’ll have to find a way to work around these issues! So let’s have a look at the most annoying problems you might face while dating an introvert.
While introverts might enjoy limited time with other people (including you), they need to spend some time by themselves to recharge their energy. Don’t take it the wrong way! It doesn’t mean that they love you any less or are being distant. They are just drained of energy from hanging out with other people. Let them find a quiet corner to read or listen to music after a night of socialising. They need it. You can take this time to work on yourself too!
Introverts are the best people to go to when you need someone to listen… Except when it’s over the phone! Phone conversations just don’t feel as engaging or intimate to introverts. They prefer to keep it short and crisp on call, and have a long heart to heart later in person. Don’t hold it against them! They just prefer *real* human connection to technology.
Here’s a universal truth: Introverts are NOT spontaneous by nature. They WANT to hang out with you and your friends, but they need to mentally prepare themselves for it. Remember that introverts get drained by large gatherings and loud surroundings. So if you wake up one day and decide to host a large party that night, and expect full support from your introverted beau- you will be disappointed. Don’t say we didn’t warn you!
The concept of compliments seems pretty basic right? Someone says something nice to you, and you say thank you. Yeah, that’s not the case for introverts. They tend to get super self-conscious and uncomfortable when someone compliments them, because it puts them in the spotlight. And introverts HATE the spotlight. Don’t be surprised if your introverted partner replies with a “happy birthday” to your “you look nice today”. They just *don’t* know what to say!
If there’s one thing you need to remember about introverts, it’s that they’re NOT people pleasers. Since introverts hate small talk, they are more likely to get to the point bluntly than sugar-coat things. Their intention is not to make you feel bad, they are just trying to be honest with you! And wouldn’t you prefer a partner who’s always real with you instead of giving you superficial compliments? Just never EVER give them the “Am I looking fat” question. It’s not going to end well for you. Trust us!
Dating an introvert is complicated enough if you’re an extrovert. And you’d think that things might have been easier for you if you’re an introvert yourself. News flash: It’s NOT. A relationship between two introverts can be problematic for a number of reasons. Read on to know what they are.
If you know your potential bae is also an introvert, we encourage you to be brave and make the first move, else you might have to wait forever! Tip: If you’re too nervous to approach them in person, try catching them online! It will be easier to break the ice, and when you meet in person you’ll already have established a connection.
While it will definitely be easier for you to understand each other’s moods, given that you’re both quiet and observant, make sure you always communicate your feelings to each other. Especially if you’re fighting! Conflicts are less likely to arrive if both of you are on the same page in the relationship.
This is probably the *biggest* problem faced by introverted couples. Yes, it’s AMAZING that both of you have the same idea of the perfect evening (Netflix and chill, duh). But you might find yourself in a rut if you decide to stay in every evening. We’re not asking you to hit every club in the city. Find an outdoor activity that you both might enjoy - like a visit to the museum or a hiking trip!
Sure, there’s a ton of information out there about dating introverts. But there’s always problems that extroverts *just* don’t understand. Here’s some of them:
Your extroverted significant other wanted you to accompany them to a loud bash and you were happy to oblige ...even though you’re not the greatest fan of loud parties. But they don’t understand why you take too many ‘bathroom breaks’, or why they repeatedly find you in a corner talking to the cat. You don’t hate people, you just can’t stand them for prolonged periods of time!
Just because your idea of a perfect weekend is coffee and a great book, it doesn’t mean you’re ‘lazy’ or a ‘couch potato’. Introverts are ALL for activity and adventure, they just equally enjoy spending time by themselves and being alone with their thoughts.
Okay, this one might be *slightly* true, but introverts really can’t help it! Introverts take a really long time to warm up to new environments and people, so you can understand why they don’t want to try out bizarre new things everyday. However, it doesn’t mean that they will *never* do something crazy. They just need some time to prepare themselves. If you want to try something adventurous, let me know in advance!
You know what’s better than catching an action-packed movie followed by a delicious meal? Doing both those things from the comfort of your home in your PJs. While getting all dressed up for an outing has its own charms, you’ll save a lot of time and money if you stay in instead. Cook for your date if you want to make it extra special!
Introverts like to be mentally stimulated, so it’s no surprise that they enjoy insightful, thought-provoking activities. A simple dinner at a fancy restaurant just isn’t going to impress them. If they enjoy history and art, take them on a knowledgeable day trip. It’s like the daytime version of clubbing, just *way* more stimulating!
If spending the night on a blanket under the stars with your partner doesn’t scream romantic, we don’t know what does! And if you *really* want to impress them, read up on astronomy and the two of you can look for constellations in the sky!
It could be anything fun - dancing, music or art! Sure, it doesn’t sound *super* romantic but hear us out. Learning a new skill together can help you connect on a more meaningful level. You’ll both have this one common activity that you can enjoy and look forward to. Plus, you get to learn something completely different, which is a win-win!
1. DO talk to them respectfully. Introverts are not confrontational by nature. So if you want to take up an issue with them, make sure you’re disrespectful. Screaming, calling names and making a scene will push them further into their shell.
2. DON’T treat them with baby gloves. Introverts might be quiet and respectful, but they’re not over-sensitive. While it’s nice if you make an effort to make them comfortable, don’t be patronising! They will catch on and will NOT be pleased.
3. DO make it *clear* you’re interested. Here’s the thing: Introverts might be super observant and intuitive people, but they can miss the most obvious romantic signs. So the only way to let an introvert know that you’re interested in them...is by saying it to their face. But be sure to choose your words carefully. Which brings us to the next point...
4. DON’T use cheesy pick up lines. Let’s all agree that pick-up lines trend needs to die. They usually don’t work on most people, and they’ll *never* work on introverts. Introverts like having meaningful connections, and pick-up lines will just make you feel superficial.
5. DO compliment their brain. Nothing makes an introvert happier than someone appreciating their intellect. Tell them they have a great taste in music, or just how much you admire their art.
6. DON’T *just* tell them they’re hot. Okay, let’s agree that everyone loves being told that they’re good looking. But if you constantly call someone ‘pretty’ or ‘hot’, it begins to sounds superficial. And that will be a sure-shot way of making them rethink your interest in them.
Yes and YES! While they may not show it initially, once you get to know them, introverts can be the most loving and affectionate people ever! Just stay away from PDA, that’s really not their cup of tea.
Of course! In fact, it will be easier for you to understand each other’s personality traits. Just don’t let your relationship get into a rut- make sure you’re always trying new things (in the bedroom and otherwise!)
That’s a loaded question! But here’s the one tip you’ll really need: *Always* be honest and sincere. Those are two deal-breaking qualities that introverts look for in their partners. Oh, and be ready to make the first move!
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