Virginity is an overrated concept. Whether or not I have had sex in the past is something only I should be concerned with. It is my past and has no bearing on my present or future. In our country, we’re supposed to be especially careful with it like it’s something precious because after you’ve had sex, ‘you lose it and can never get it back’. Somehow, I’ve never agreed with or lived by these standards.
I’d already had sex with my first boyfriend. He and I had dated for a couple of years before we broke up due to issues that usually crop up in long distance relationships. A few months later I met Vishal and we started dating a couple of months after that. One day, at the end of a make out session he casually told me that he was virgin and hadn’t had sex with anyone else. He never asked me about my ‘virginity’ status and I did not feel compelled enough to tell him that I had had sex before and I was not a virgin. It did not matter to me that he was. So, I thought nothing of it and let the matter go.
A few days later, I casually mentioned to my best friend that he was a virgin. She seemed to think it was a big deal and thought that when Vishal found out I wasn’t one, he’d see me differently or love me less. I did not agree with her but she made a big issue out of it. ‘You don’t know how boys think. They don’t want their girlfriends to have had sex with someone else. Especially when they haven’t had it in the first place. He’ll judge you and never trust you again,’ she said. I rolled my eyes so hard at her that I saw my brain. ‘You’re an idiot if you think that. Nobody is concerned about these things anymore,’ I told her and left. I was so mad at her for thinking that my virginity had anything to do with my relationship.
A few day later, Vishal and I were in bed but I couldn’t pay attention to what was happening and my heart wasn’t in it. He noticed it immediately and asked me what was up with me.
‘I need to tell you something important before we have sex.’
‘Go ahead. You can tell me anything and you know that.’
‘I’m not a virgin. I don’t care if you are. It doesn’t really matter to me. I mean virginity is a state of mind and nothing else. Plus, we live in very different times now. Who cares about virginity. I don’t, do you? Do you?’ I blurted out without even stopping for a breath.
He was quiet for a few minutes. I hated my best friend for making me nervous about something as silly as my virginity. I was scared too. What if Vishal reacted exactly like she had said he would? His silence was killing me.
Suddenly, he started laughing. ‘Why are you laughing? This is serious.’
‘You’re crazy, you know? I mean, I just assumed you weren’t one. Your previous relationship was two years long thus the assumption. And you’re right, it really does not matter to me. You’re with me now and that’s all that matters,’ he said and hugged me tightly. ‘You really are an idiot.’
The relief I felt in that moment was palpable. This was the exact reason why I was so deeply and madly in love with this boy. I kissed him hard for saying this and then that led to steamier things and we ended up having sex for the first time.
After sex, we were lying quietly in each other’s arms when he said, ‘Listen I need to tell you something too!’
‘Go on, what is it?’
‘I’m not a virgin anymore. I hope that doesn’t matter to you.’
Laughing, I got on top of him for round two and whispered in his ear- ‘As long as you’re mine now, it’s all good.’
*Names changed to protect privacy
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