11 Things You & Him Should Discuss Before Getting Engaged!

11 Things You & Him Should Discuss Before Getting Engaged!

You may feel like you two get along well and connect at a deeper level, but love alone doesn’t make for a successful marriage. In a lifetime together, you will face many ups and downs and will need commitment and compromise to carry you forward. So while you choose your partner, make sure you know all these things about him. We’re listing 11 things you must know before you get engaged.

1. What do you want from your lives?

Sooner or later, we all realise our calling in life, and when we do, we can’t help but work towards it. Whatever it is that you both want from your lives – money, power, respect - make sure you talk about it to each other, so that differing goals do not take a toll on your relationship later in life.

2. How much you earn and spend and how much you’ve saved or are in debt?

You may feel uneasy discussing money, but it’s essential that you do so. No one wants to get married and then spend the rest of their lives working hard to pay off another’s loans. It’s okay to have different saving/ spending habits, as long as your partner knows about them. Otherwise money or the lack of it can bring trouble in a relationship.

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3. What are your expectations of your spouse?

Things change after marriage. You expect your husband/ wife to do or act in ways you wouldn’t necessarily expect your boyfriend/ girlfriend to. So, whether you want your spouse to share in the family income or stay at home and manage all household chores alone – let him/ her know what he/ she in signing up for. It’ll make both your lives easy.

4. What do your families expect of your partner?

Indian marriages are as much about the couple getting married, as they are about their families coming together. So, ask your partner of his family’s expectations of their daughter-in-law. Would they want her to stay with them or are they okay with you guys living separately? Would they expect of you to dress and work in a certain way or will they leave it up to you? Make a decision only after knowing what’s in store for you and if you’re okay with it or not.

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5. Whether and when children figure in your life plan and who will take care of them?

You may feel too young to even think about children of your own, but it’s imperative you know what your partner thinks about them. They’re going to be both your children, so your partner has an equal say in when you plan on having them and how you plan on raising them. So, make sure both your ideologies are aligned on this one.

6. What kind of a person is your partner and are you okay with these qualities?

Is he clean or messy, peaceful or aggressive? Does he love to party or would he rather stay at home? Make sure you know about your partner’s little habits, for once you start living with them, these same qualities often become the biggest causes of fights and arguments.

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7. Is your partner religious or spiritual? And does he expect you to follow?

Religion can be a major point of contention when you start living together. Especially when you have children of your own and expect them to follow traditions passed on to you by your family. It’s better to know your partner’s religious/ spiritual views and his tolerance towards dissimilar views on such matters.

8. What relationship does your partner share with his friends and family?

The kind of relationship that a person shares with the people closest to him – his parents, siblings or friends – can say a lot about him. Get to know his family and friends then and see how he cares about them or not. It can help you determine the kind of relationship he will form with you too.

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9. What major events shaped or scarred your partner’s life?

Every person has a story. Before you decide on getting engaged, make sure you are abreast with all the big chapters that shaped your partner’s life story. It will help you understand him better as a person and let you know why he thinks, dreams and behaves the way he does.

10. What are your partner’s priorities in life?

How does he maintain work-life balance? Has he alienated his family in mad pursuit of his career or have the responsibilities of a family burdened him to squash his dreams? It is important that your priorities match with your partner’s, otherwise it can create rift in your relationship over time.

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11. What is your partner’s medical history?

From diseases as a child to his family’s medical history, know what he’s been through, so that you are aware about the necessary precautions that need to be taken of during childbirth. Know what you are getting into, ‘coz you don’t want to take a chance with the rest of your life, right? Right.

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