The best of relationships experience speed bumps. If you’ve hit one right now, there’s no need to worry. We’ll hold your hand and guide you through this admittedly tricky phase. Let’s look at all the decent and mature ways you can broach this subject with him and tell your boyfriend you are unhappy without having to go the extreme way.
1. Think it through clearly
Even before you bring anything up with him, take your time to think about things. What is making you unhappy? Can you put a finger on it? Is it some specific behaviour of his? It’ll be a lot easier if you can articulate to him exactly what’s making you unhappy.
2. Don’t be indirect
As tempting as it is, don’t use nonverbal cues and actions to express your feelings. Some things need to be spoken about clearly. Otherwise, they escalate quickly and lead to frustration at both ends.
3. Don’t involve others
Yes, it’s natural to talk to your friends about your problems. But you don’t need to involve them with the solution. It’s a bad idea to ask a common friend to do the communicating on your behalf. It’s your relationship and you should be the one doing the talking.
4. It’s best to meet and talk it out
Resist the urge to use social media. You know as well as we do that social media can really deceive in terms of tone of voice. He can never truly know how hurt you’re feeling if you message him on Whatsapp. You owe him (and your relationship) the basic courtesy of a proper conversation.
5. Be clear and confident
We know what it’s like to fumble when emotional but try as much as you can to state whatever is on your mind clearly. There’s no shame in admitting that you are unhappy. Like we said earlier, all relationships go through ups and downs.
6. Don’t be scared of his reaction
Being his girlfriend, it’s only natural that you are concerned about unintentionally offending him. But as long as you are just stating what’s on your mind, there’s no reason to be scared.
7. Be calm and composed
Though this can be one daunting task, especially when emotions are running high, try your best to stay calm. Using expletives won’t help and yelling certainly won’t help. Avoid crying too, as far as possible. All of this is just so that you can have a rational, mature and productive conversation.
8. Listen as well
Just because you’ve met him with an agenda to unload doesn’t mean he is obligated to stay quiet. Maybe he has something important to say too. Maybe he’s finally addressing what’s going on in his mind. Ultimately, things will only work out if it’s a two-way conversation where you both feel heard and understood.
9. Don’t anticipate the worst
If you keep thinking it’s pointless to have the conversation then there’s a big chance it won’t go well. Don’t anticipate the worst possible scenario. Focus, instead, on trying to make it all go okay.
10. Don’t give ultimatums
Even if you’re hurt by something he said or did, be prepared to work on your relationship together. If you keep giving him warnings or ultimatums, he’ll only try to make you happy temporarily (if at all). Instead, focus on building a beautiful and steady partnership which is not based on such pressures.
11. Look toward the future
It’s very easy to dig up the past and get caught up in all the irrelevant stuff. What’s actually tougher is to remember that you need to look ahead, not behind. If you love this guy and see a happy future with him, then use your patience, wisdom, and communication skills to get the both of you past this low phase. We trust you’ll totally manage this; you’re a smart girl like that.
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