I am a 23-year-old girl and I’m turning 24 soon. I have been brought up in a nuclear family with traditional values intact in a two-tier city. My dad and mom are the ‘typical’ Indian parents. They make decisions for me, decide where I go, who I should meet and who I shouldn’t. We are a close-knit family. But growing up I realized, I was different from the rest of them and I felt a sort of discomfort around my family.
It was partially because I thought my parents favoured my sister more than me. Of course, she did tick off all the ‘expectation’ boxes! She was the perfect girl for them… Honestly, she was. At least, that’s the way they looked at it. She was good at studies, mehendi, rangoli, cooking and art. She had great communication skills, she was responsible, understanding and had limited friends who she met only in college or once in a while outside college for small get-togethers. Whenever she wanted to meet them, she used to call them home and they would come along with their mothers. As a result, they all became good friends with each other. She was a complete carbon copy of my mom.
All that was fine, but the problem was that I was the complete opposite of her! Initially, I tried to become like her but gave up when I realized I was different. While I was growing up, I went into my shell. I had my own world which my family was not aware of. I wasn’t very talkative or someone who could share things in minute details. I was outspoken, I had a lot of friends but I never showed this side of me at home…ever.
I ensured that the two very different lives that I was leading, never coincided. I still managed to study engineering, did an MBA and got a decent job.
It was all working out fine till my sister’s wedding date was fixed. My entire family knew what my sister’s views on marriage were. Groom hunting started and I just wanted to puke with all the things going around kundali, gotra, caste, rishta system… I just hated it. But my sister didn’t find it weird.
While I felt a certain degree of anger, my parents found a groom for her and the tilak ceremony was done. As soon as tilak was done my mom put a mithai in my mouth and said, ‘Now it’s your turn.’ I mean, I knew I would have to get married one day but hearing this was too soon. I was 23 and was 2 years younger to my sister so I thought I still have 3-4 years to go. The day my sister’s marriage was fixed everything changed.
People started approaching my parents with marriage proposals for me and everyone started getting involved in what I did, who I met and where I went. I never knew I had so many relatives and these relatives were now involved in getting me hitched!
I tried to telling my parents that I didn’t want to get married, but they obviously thought I was crazy. They were concentrating on the ‘why’ I didn’t want to marry rather than making arrangements for my sister’s wedding. They never understood my views about how I wanted to live my life.
Only two months are left for my sister’s marriage and I want to go back in past a little. I just want my parents to be happy with my sister. My mom sharing her things with her; they both being each other’s best friends and me being comfortable in my space. I don’t want to be center of attention. This is why I do not want my sister to get married, so that my life doesn’t get all messed up. I want to fall in love, not be forced into love.
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