I have been in a relationship for the past 4 years. We’ve had our ups and downs but, even with those, all is well. We love each other to bits, we are attracted to each other, we get each other and we do not get into each other’s personal space...which is great, considering we have been in a long distance relationship for an year and a half.
On 27th January this year, we completed 4 years and my boyfriend called me up to wish me. At that time, a couple of my roomie’s friends were staying at our place. So when I came back into the room after talking to him they began to casually tease me. I had only met them twice, that being the second time. So it wasn’t like I was going to give them details about the call or have a heart to heart with them. But that didn’t stop them from poking and prodding into my romantic and, eventually, my sexual life.
‘So, have you ever had a pregnancy scare so far?’, one of them asked me. ‘No,’ I replied trying not to extend this conversation. ‘Ooo, how is that possible? Not once in 4 years?’ said the other. I was now beginning to get a tad irritated. My roomie is the kind of person who gives me my space but her friends were the total opposite. She tried to intervene but there was no stopping them. I sighed and replied, ‘Nope! Not yet.’
And then, as if someone had switched on a light bulb in their brains, one of them asked me, ‘Wait… You have had sex right? You’re not… Like, a virgin or something, are you?’ At this point, I had lost all my patience. So, this time I snapped at them a little, ‘Not that it’s any of your business, but yes, I am a virgin.’
‘You’re kidding, right?’ said the other, clearly in no mood to give up. ‘I mean how can someone stay in a relationship that long and not have sex?’
That's when I completely lost it. ‘So, the thing is... I love him and he loves me. That is what our relationship is about… Love. I assure you there are more important things in a relationship than sex. But maybe that’s a little too complicated for you to understand. Anyways, I am tired and I am going to go to bed. Good night.’ I did not give them a chance to reply; I pulled my quilt over my head, put on my headphones and started browsing through my phone. The next morning my roomie apologized to me on behalf of her friends.
I do not understand this obsession with virginity. I am not ashamed of being a virgin and neither should anyone be ashamed of not being one. I have the same physical urges as everyone else and I know ways to satisfy them even if I do not want to have sex. I understand that sex is an important part of a relationship, but so is consent. Not having sex is my decision and that does not make me un-cool or narrow-minded or even a prude. As long as my partner understands and is okay with it, I don’t think I need to explain myself to the rest of the world. Yes, I haven’t had sex and I am a virgin in a long term relationship. Yes, I want to wait till I get married and that is not because of some superstition or a morality issue... It’s just MY choice.
Published on Feb 14, 2017