Like any other girl, I too dreamt of a grand Indian wedding. I secretly wished my husband would be like Prince Charming – loving, caring and responsible. Someone I could live happily ever after with. And then the day came when I got married…
Taking the vows around the sacred fire that was supposed to change my marital status, but it altered my entire life. I knew I had to leave my home, my culture, even my surname behind for him, but what I didn’t know was I had to leave myself behind.
Here’s a letter to my husband…something I would like to tell my husband…
I expected you to have some expectations from me but I didn’t expect you to insist that I live up to them.
You asked me to limit my relationship with my mom so that I can bond well with yours.
You want me to call your mom twice a day but you resent it when my mom calls to talk to me.
You wish that I cook like your mom and forget all those cooking lessons I learnt from mine.
You itch to tell your mom even the smallest of things and ask me not to share my deepest joys and sorrows with mine.
You want me to give utmost respect to your mom while you remain ungracious towards mine.
You understand your mom too well, grant her even the silliest of demands, make me do things to make her happy – but you conveniently forget that I have a mom too.
You certainly have all the right to have expectations… But do you realize while doing so you are taking away the essence of my life? For my mental peace, I succumbed to your wishes, for your happiness, I put limits when it came to my side of the family.
Over these years I put in all of my efforts into winning your heart, to build our relationship, to get accustomed to your family and in leaving behind all my dreams and desires. I took on the responsibility for keeping our wedding vows intact. But while you might be the most perfect son to your mom, you failed to be a husband to your wife.
So now, dear husband, please accept my kind apology, as I can’t do this anymore. I do not relate to what you express. Being married to you has not only shattered my dreams, it has also questioned my existence. Obliging you now makes me feel suffocated. I am past all my levels of anger, frustrations and irritation. What remains of me now, is my hurt soul.
Your definition of a good wife is being a good daughter-in-law to your mom. While I attempted to be a good wife and a good bahu, I forgot about being a daughter and a sister. Today, as I enter into a new relationship of being a mother, I cannot see my son walking the same path as yours. Though I want him to love me and be mine forever, I do not want to teach him to mess up another girl’s life, 25 years from now, solely for my happiness. I want him to be sensible and selfless. I want him to have respect and be loyal to all his kinship and for that I need to do the same.
So, whether you like it or not, I need to fulfil my responsibilities of being a daughter. I want you to respect my relationship with my mom. I want you to give me space for being me. I cannot be exactly what you want me to be. I cannot be like your mom, we are two different people.
I understand your mother’s insecurities, but I cannot ditch my mom’s love and affection towards me.
Because before your mom’s daughter-in-law, I am my mom’s daughter and will always be!
Images: Shutterstock
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