We all have a mental picture of how are life partner should be. There are a few parameters which are the absolute must-haves in a potential partner. Even when we are dating, we’re always looking out for these points.
If there is one thing that I have realized in this search, it is the fact that, the checklist will fail. Forget ticking off all the points, you might not tick off even one. When you fall in love with someone, there is no logic because ultimately, it’s about the spark and the connection that you make with each other.
After meeting almost a dozen men, I felt that my chances of meeting ‘the one’ were nil. I just couldn’t make a real connection with any of these men, so I just stopped ‘looking’ for love altogether. I made up my mind that there is no ideal person and I will have to compromise if I ever wanted to settle down. And the societal pressure just made it worse.
Just around this time when I was beating myself up, about not being able to find ‘the’ guy, I happened to attend my cousin’s wedding who was just a year older to me. All his friends were attending the wedding and we had a really great time dancing, singing and drinking together. The three days of the wedding functions passed like a breeze. But one guy who caught my fancy was Pradeep. He was fun loving and even cute (which was a bonus) and we ended up exchanging numbers. We danced together in the baraat, the sangeet and more. But everything is hunky dory when you are at a wedding! Judging from the little conversations we had, I figured that he wasn’t interested in getting married, so the small talk ended right there.
We didn’t really stay in touch after that. He remained a distant memory and we moved on in life. Then after almost a year, my cousin and his wife were visiting my hometown and I happened to be there too. Pradeep had also come with them, as they were heading for another vacation. While I was taking them around the town, he and I landed up chatting quite a bit. We went out for lunches, dinner and drinks, all as part of discovering the place. That’s the time Pradeep and I actually got talking and spent some time together.
One of those nights, we ended up chatting till wee hours of the dawn talking about things that matter. I don’t know what happened but we wanted more from this. He knew, that for me it was about settling down. I was very clear about it and I wasn’t looking for anything casual. He was not sure about taking this forward in that direction. So, things fizzled out, again.
After almost a month, something changed. He called me said that he wanted to meet me. I was hesitant at first because I knew we wanted different things from each other and this would only lead to a heartbreak. Anyway, I agreed to go out for coffee. He looked anxious when we met. Then he held my hand and said, ‘I can’t stop thinking about you. If getting married means I get to spend more time with you, I am willing to give it a shot.’ I was a little taken aback with all the different emotions.
I told him that marriage is not a shot, it’s permanent and he needs to be 100% sure about this commitment. And that’s when he said he had absolutely no doubt. In fact, he even cleared out whatever doubts I had. And I said yes, because he gave me that surety and that confidence. That’s how I realized I wanted to marry him, without a doubt in my heart.
It’s not that it’s going to be a smooth ride ahead but what matters is that through the speed breakers, we know that we’ll get through and make it work no matter what.
*Names changed to protect privacy
Images: Shutterstock
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