Making a relationship work is no cakewalk, but what’s even harder is breaking up with someone you love deeply. Yes, the one who had figured in almost all of your future plans. It’s painful and hard and it sucks! But then again, life’s classroom is not often the most pleasant place to be, but its teachings are the best kind. Here are the lessons I learnt from my break up, after my first heartbreak...
1. I MAY not get it right the first time and that’s okay!
Thanks to the whirlwind romances shown in movies, most of us end up believing that we are going to meet the perfect guy in the first go, fall in love and have our happily ever after! That may not be true and it’s okay! First love may be a beautiful feeling but that doesn’t mean it is the love of your life.
2. Crying doesn’t mean I’m weak!
Feeling pain is what makes me human, and crying is the natural reaction to pain. It doesn’t in any way signify weakness, and in fact helps in venting out the truckload of emotions the heart is laden with. It means that I have embraced my emotions, the good and the bad and that empowers me to deal with them.
3. I am stronger than I thought I was!
The true measure of strength is when you have a thousand reasons to give up and just one to go on, and that’s what I did - go on. A break up is not the end of the world, and there is more to me than just the relationship I lost. I am not “his girlfriend”, I am ME. And “Me” is enough.
4. It’s NOT okay to give up something I love, for anyone at all!
Gabriel Garcia Marquez quoted “Nobody deserves your tears, but whoever deserves them, will not make you cry”. It is NOT okay to give up something I love, no matter for who I do that. I am who I am because of the things I am passionate about, the things I choose to do and the things I don’t. I owe it to myself to never give up on being the person I am. And the one who truly loves me, will never ask me to, in fact, he will never let me.
5. There is such a thing as “keeping a check”!
Being in love doesn’t mean that I have to blindly trust my partner. There is nothing wrong with keeping a check on my partner in terms of who his friends are and who are the people he talks to on a daily basis. We are answerable to each other and there is nothing wrong with that.
6. Jealousy and doubt need to be addressed and no, it does not spell M-I-S-T-R-U-S-T!
“To err is human, to forgive is divine” and none of us are divine. Jealousy and doubt do creep in at times, and there is nothing wrong with addressing them. It does not mean I mistrust my partner, and vice versa. Two people as close as that should be able to have this conversation without getting offended, and if either of us is unable to, then there might be something wrong.
7. I deserve better, and no, that’s not a selfish statement
This is not about being judgemental or selfish or considering myself superior. This is about believing that I deserve to be with someone with whom I can be myself, and I can be happy, and so can he. It means that I believe in a better future for myself and that I deserve to be in a healthy relationship.
8. He wasn’t necessarily the “bad guy”!
Sometimes things just don’t work out, the circumstances become tough and not everyone can make it through the storm. This doesn’t mean that he was a bad guy or I am a bad person. It simply means that maybe we deserve and should be with different people. Resentment and anger do nothing, they just make moving on harder
9. I needed a heartbreak so I could grow up!
Fairytales and movies have spun other-worldly unrealistic romantic tales for me since I was a kid, and someone had to tell me to snap out of it. I needed to go through this breakup to realize what I really expect from someone I am in a relationship - realistic, practical expectations. Being the ideal, modest, always adjusting person doesn’t work in real life and this is probably the only way I could have learnt this.
10. Trusting someone becomes harder, but it’s not impossible!
Yes, it’s hard to trust someone with your heart and soul after knowing what it feels to have a broken and battered heart, but it is not impossible. Love and time, join hands to heal. Sooner or later, someone will come along, and put all my fears and insecurities to rest. I will take time, but I will be able to trust someone once again.
11. Chin up, head high, smile!
Come what may, life goes on! It’s just a bend, not the end. I have to put my chin up, hold my head high and smile at life, with hope and positivity. Life is just not long enough to hate, be angry or to stay stuck in an unhappy place. There are brighter days to come! Images: Tumblr