Making a marriage work is a two-way effort and it’s extremely important for you and the man you choose to marry, to be on the same page. So girls, if there is anyone you are considering to settle down with, do ask him these all-too-important questions. It’s not necessary that his answers need to match your expectations a 100%, but as far as he’s open to a discussion and is ready to adjust and compromise, well, then you know he’s for keeps! Here are 10 questions to ask him.
1. I work five days a week, sometimes even late nights. That works for you, right?
While a working wife is common these days, a lot of people may just expect you to transform into a superwoman. Let him know your usual work schedule and discuss how the chores can be divided and taken care of. Also, your future partner must respect your job and be proud of what you do for a living. At no point should he make you feel like your work is less important than his.
2. Your thoughts about having kids?
Having kids is a major life change and it’s extremely important for both the man and the woman to be on the same page about this one decision. You both may not want kids at the same time. He may want to wait, you may want them within a year or vice versa. The question is, are you both able to work out something in between? Can you work towards a plan that suits the both of you?
3. Where would we be living once we’re married?
Living with the in-laws or living on your own… Both the scenarios have their own pros and cons. But what do you as a couple want? And this decision should be a joint decision, not a forced one for either of you two. It’s very important that you’re both happy living in the environment that you are. So talk to him and find out what works best for both the families and the two of you.
4. Do you have a medical condition that I should know about?
This is just so important. A lot of times partners end up hiding something about their past or ongoing medical condition that can later lead to stressful circumstances. Before planning to spend your lives with each other, it’s only fair that you both come out clean about your physical and mental health. Do ask him if there’s anything he’d like to share.
5. Are you even ready to get married?
If you’re having an arranged rishta setup, it’s best you ask this question before going ahead in any direction. A lot of times an individual is pressurized into getting married or at least meeting a prospective match. Ask him if he really is looking to get married. Even if he doesn’t give you a definite yes but is open to the idea, in case someone good comes along, then there is no harm sticking around to see where it goes.
6. Let’s talk about the monies?!
It goes without saying that you should both know how much the other earns. We all have a basic standard of living and no one wants to compromise on it. But apart from the earnings, one also needs to discuss the expenditures, the savings and the investments. You need to know each other's spending/ saving habits to make sure that there are no money-related fights later.
7. Can we give each other some personal space?
It’s a wonderful feeling to always have someone by your side, but sometimes, even after you’re married, you do need your personal space. You don’t just need to talk about this but also observe it in his behaviour. Your life partner should trust you enough to let you have your ‘me time’, to let you take that time off with your besties and not always be overprotective or possessive. While marriage should give you a sense of belonging, it should not take away your freedom.
8. Love, career, family, money… What’s your top priority?
Okay, you don’t really need to put it across like a question in a job interview, but yes, you so totally need to know where his priorities lie. Is he driven a little too much by money? Or is he firm that hisfamily will always come before yours? Does he put love and relationships right at the end or does he take his career a bit too seriously? While there is no wrong or right to this, it’s all about balancing it right and hopefully, having both of your priorities in sync.
9. Do you expect me to make lifestyle changes?
A few lifestyle changes are bound to happen…and that’s okay. But is he asking for too much? Does he expect you to dress a certain way or wake up at a particular time? Or is he the kind of guy who is far from these typical expectations? There will be changes after marriage but these can’t be forced. Moreover, petty things like clothes/ dressing style should never ever be a topic of concern.
10. Anything you’d like to ask me?
You cannot be the only one asking all kinds of questions, right? You’ve got to give him the chance to put forth his questions too! Knowing his areas of concern will also help you learn a lot more about him. So once you’ve satisfied yourself, do let him shoot his questions too.