As soon as I turned 23, my parents asked me if I was serious about the guy I was dating. They were quite liberal that way. We’ve always had that open communication, so they knew that I had been seeing someone. But as fate would have it, we broke up that year and I was given 6 months to heal. Once that 6-month period was over, my biodata was prepared and circulated to find an eligible boy in the arranged marriage setup.
I thank God for my dad, who believed that marriage these days only takes place when the girl is agreeable to it and finds her match in the boy, rather than just looking at the family background and finalizing things in one go.
Coming back to my biodata and its circulation – I then started with rishta meetings with guys my parents thought were suitable. Guy after guy, it was getting more and more interesting. I had set a rule for myself – that I would not say yes or no to a guy based on his pictures and biodata. If it was possible, I preferred to meet him first.
There were multiple coffees, dinners and lunches that I went to with these guys. This had been going on for almost 3 years now. After going through hundreds of profiles on various matrimonial websites and some that family and friends sent across, I had met almost fifteen guys!
Don’t get me wrong, there wasn’t something completely weird about these men. Some were really nice, but I didn’t believe we could be life partners. I always felt like something was not right, something was missing and decided to go with my gut feeling each time.
I believe in letting love grow naturally, and besides, I was under no pressure to say yes or no after just meeting them once. Most of these men used to make their decisions on the basis of one meeting. Some would say yes and some would give some lame excuse and say no. If it ever went beyond one meeting, I would lose interest because those guys were not for me.
It went on and on, it was like a drill. Meeting all these men. I had pretty much lost hope and had begun to doubt whether I would ever find my husband through this process. Though I had secretly always wish that it would happen outside of this ‘arrangement’.
Then one day, I got a call from my dad saying that there is a cousin’s cousin who was visiting India, and was interested in meeting me. I didn’t even have a look at the biodata and just went to see him the next day, after coordinating with him via SMS. The strange thing was that, I had planned to meet another guy the same day. I was super confused and I believed it was a bit unfair. Either way, I decided to meet him, since my relatives were involved.
But besides all this going on in my head, I was pleasantly surprised. This man was wonderful. He was fun, open-minded and easy to talk to. I didn’t have to stop myself from being who I am in front of him. He was interested in understanding me as a person. He wanted to share tiny details of his life with me. Most of all, he wasn’t looking for a wife, he was looking for a companion.
He went ahead and said yes at home. That baffled me. We had spent almost 4 hours together and that wasn’t enough for me to say a yes. But he wasn’t like the rest of them. I got home and texted him saying I would take some time to take a call in this situation. I mentioned to him that I wanted us to get to know each other before we make our decisions.
He appreciated the honesty and agreed with me. He said that he had made up his mind, and wasn’t going to look any further. It’s me who had to accept or reject him. This time around, I didn’t lose interest and wanted to continue being in touch with the guy.
It’s been almost a month and we have been talking. He’s coming back to India to spend time with me so I can make my decision. I still don’t know if I will eventually say a yes or not, but all I know is that it was totally worth the wait.
I am glad I had enough courage to speak my mind and tell him that I needed some time, as this was the most important decision of my life. I am looking forward to meeting him soon and most importantly, enjoying my time with him, without the pressure of making a decision fast enough!
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