I hope you don’t mind me calling you that...because when I started writing this letter, I couldn’t think of a better word. In fact, that’s the only word I could think of. And it’s only natural, isn’t it? We have shared so many years of our life with each other. From riding each other’s tricycles to going to the same nursery school and then the same secondary school, we have seen each other through a lot...a lot of life and a lot of change.
We’ve snuggled in the same blanket and eaten from each other’s tiffin, we’ve applied our makeup for the first time together, gone for our first movie together. We’ve had a crush on the same guy and then decided he wasn’t worth risking what we had and let him go, we’ve sat beside each other with tear stained cheeks, in silence, hoping to somehow magically take away the other’s pain. And you know what? Most of the time we did.
What happened then? To you, to me...to us? How did we suddenly become strangers who couldn’t recognize each other in broad daylight? How did so many questions, secrets and whispers creep in, and cause so many cracks in the bond which we had sweared was forever? Maybe I didn’t try hard enough when you started hearing things about me from other people… Or maybe you believed them too much and too soon. Maybe I could never really find the right words to say to you, to defend and explain myself… Or maybe you didn’t give me the opportunity to do so. I don’t know who is to blame, or is anyone to blame? Was this supposed to happen?
I know we haven’t spoken in years, at least not the way we used to and I know that what we lost is never coming back. But I just want to tell you that I miss you…
I miss you when I move to a new city and want to tell someone how it feels. I miss you when I am homesick in my bed and I have almost called you but then disconnected the call before the bell could ring at your end. I miss you when I have to go shopping alone and I can’t decide between orange and black. I miss you when I am hungry in the middle of the night and all I can think of is our midnight maggi and all the future plans we made and the life philosophies we discussed over it. But most of all, I miss you having my back...when I mess up or when life’s just not fair or when I am having a bad day. I miss you because no one else can make me feel that it’s really going to be fine.
I know we are never coming back from where we have gone...however badly I want us to and however hard we may try. We came too far...and it's been too long. But I really hope this letter isn’t coming too late, because I still care for you. I hope wherever you are, you are happy, whatever you are doing you are kicking-ass at it, whoever you are dating is just the kind of guy who will never let you go. And somewhere deep down in a very quiet corner of my heart I also selfishly hope that at times, even if just for a few seconds, you think of me.
I will always love you, and yes...I still have that photo of us framed in my room. I will always have that… Always!