Dear Newly Married Girl, This Open Letter Is For You...
Smriti NotaniGuest Contributor
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Congratulations! Isn’t it so awesome that you are now in a whole new beautiful phase of life? From playing house what seems like just a few years ago, you are now acting it out. You are a wife! We bet that feeling is only just sinking in. From the time we were little, we were taught that this day will come; and it shall be beautiful. And we bet it is. But it also brings along with it a whirlwind of change, doesn’t it? We understand how that must feel like, and that’s why we decided to write this open letter to newly married girls out there.
If you are taking some time to adjust to your new life, just know that you’re not alone. If you miss the comfort of your old bedroom, we know that feeling. If you miss your parents’ voice every morning – even if it was just them nagging you – we get it. Change is not easy. It’s okay to take your time. And it’s okay to ‘struggle’ a little. No one talks about marriage from a new-age perspective. We are the generation that wants a ‘life’. To us, marriage is not only about ‘adjustment’.
Our situation is a tad more complicated, na? We want our careers, we want our freedom, we want romance, we want sex, we want partnership - we want a wholesome life. We are independent – in thought and action. We certainly don’t want anything to tie us down, let alone marriage. In no way do we feel inferior to our husbands. Some of us are even more successful than them. That doesn’t change anything for us, because success and love are mutually exclusive in our books. Before being anyone’s better half, we want to be a perfect whole.
While life may have been kind enough to afford us the perfect match, societal expectations don’t make it all that easy. Our husbands may have walked into marriage with their eyes wide open, but their families may not have. This situation is a common reality in our generation. And we can’t wish it away. We just have to remain calm, confident and sure of the love that we have and share with our spouses. You don’t know yet what the future holds. Just keep doing what you do. Remember, just as you’re still getting used to your new family, they’re getting used to you too!
Love with all your heart. Celebrate life. Enjoy companionship. Don’t give in to the pressures of life. Marriage may not be a walk in the park, but be the kind of girl who’d prefer a swim in the ocean over that any given day. You and your husband can ride all the waves together. That’s what modern marriage is.
Don’t wait for permission to start living your best life. Be authentic to yourself. Deal with problems. Believe in the power of a good cry, but believe more in the power of being strong and looking forward.
The proverbial walk down the aisle or the saat pheras mean as much to you as to the generations before you. Don’t worry about proving this to others. It’s okay to be an old school romantic and to still be a modern feminist.
You don’t need to ‘feel married’ to be married. In a best case scenario, you still get to feel like a young, college-going girl. That’s ideal. Don’t fight the feeling. Enjoy the beauty of your youth, your way. Don’t defend your right to wear jeans, or not wear a mangal sutra by crying yourself hoarse with explanations. These conversations can be draining and pointless. Twinkle Khanna recently shut down an internet troll who kept asking her why she hasn’t changed her last name. True to her witty self, she slayed it by saying she’s ‘Married, not branded’. She put into words, a feeling the rest of us have had for very long. Take a cue from her, and understand that haters are going to hate. You make of your marriage whatever it is that you want. Love keeping things traditional? Do it! Not a soul can and should be able to tell you how to live your life. Just know that at any given point in time, you may not have everyone’s support, but you have us. Backing you up, protecting your right to be the independent Goddess you are.
Got it, tough cookie?
Now go out there and be the best, smartest, sassiest, wisest wife in the whole damn universe! Show ‘em how it’s done. *wink*