Ronit and I have been together for more than a year now. Life with him is so peaceful, just like a fairytale. But often, I would go back to thinking about the guy I dated before him. Do I still have feelings for him? Yes, I still have feelings for my ex. But that wouldn't change the love and respect I have for Ronit. He is such a sweet and understanding person, always calm and always there to protect me, no matter what.
So one night, Ronit and I went to a friend's party and got pretty drunk. Everytime I get drunk, I cry and overthink stuff that’s ever hurt me. That night though, I was too tired to cry but yes, the overthinking mode was on. While we were in the cab, I was staring outside the window and felt my eyes getting teary. And the next second I could feel a waterfall coming out of my eyes, just like that. I didn’t even know how all this happened so fast.
He realized what was happening to me. Because it wasn't the first time he saw me like that when I was drunk. He held my face gently and asked what happened. And I told him I still had feelings for my ex. Yes, I told him that. He didn't pull away his hands from my face but I could see him in pain. But I just couldn't shut up.
Even before we got into a relationship, I had told him everything about my past. I always tell him what's on my mind. But this time I regretted it. I regretted every word I was telling him. But I couldn't stop talking to him about the weird emotions I was feeling. And like a darling, he kept listening to me with so much love in his eyes. I knew Ronit truly loved me. He didn’t question me about why I felt that way, nor got mad at me. He just let me vent, and that was a really big thing for me.
The following day I realized that I screwed up everything. I knew I had hurt him so much. I knew he wouldn't talk about it. I realized his value, and I was ready to do anything just to be with him. I asked him to meet me, and he agreed after a little hesitation. I met him and we went to the beach, spent two hours sitting near the shore. But no one spoke a word. He, because he was disappointed, and me, because I couldn’t gather the courage to speak up. After what I did last night, I didn’t have the courage to tell him that I was really really sorry.
He couldn't even look at me. Because we both knew that if he did, he would cry. I had put him in a really tough spot, and trust me, I was feeling really bad about it. I hid my teary face with a cap that I was wearing. It was getting dark and it was time to leave. And yet we never spoke a word about what happened the other night. Till I could realize, we reached my house and I had to leave. That time I looked into his eyes and he looked into mine.
Tears rolled down, and I knew it was the time to tell him what I was feeling, actually. Only difference being, this time it was about him. I kept apologizing and telling him how much he meant to me and hugged him so tight. To be honest, I thought he would stop me. But a sweet kiss on my forehead made me feel so good, yet so bad because I was the reason he went through all that pain and uneasiness. And since then, my love and respect for him has grown so much that I'm never gonna do anything that will ever hurt him. Because I value him so much. He's the guy every girl wishes for and I'm glad that I've got him. So without doing anything, he made me realize his value in my life, and that was the best thing to have come out of this entire situation.
*Names changed to protect privacy
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Published on Nov 14, 2016