An Open Letter To Everyone Who Thinks I’m Not ‘Wife Material’
If I were to take offence to the term ‘wife material’, people would call me a feminist... So here I am, taking offence. I am a feminist, an unapologetic, well-read and logical feminist, who knows the difference between extremism and feminism.
When I was a little girl, I dreamt of being a pilot, a teacher and even a traffic police officer at one point. But never...never did I dream of being ‘wife material’. On my 22nd birthday, my neighbour’s father (who, by the way, does not even know my full name) said to me, ‘You should now start taking a few classes, you know, just to polish your skills. You’re a good girl Manika but you’re not wife material. To marry a decent guy, you’ll have to work on yourself else your marriage will not survive’. I didn’t know what to say. What do you say to a forty-something man, who has two daughters and believes that a girl needs to become wife material to marry a ‘decent’ guy? So this one’s for him and everyone else (men and women) who believes that I am not wife material...
You are damn right, I am not wife material. I was not born to become a wife, that is a choice I am free to make. I was born to become a writer, a singer, a doctor, an engineer, an artist, an architect, a lawyer or whatever else I want to become, but no... I was not born to be ‘wife material’. I was not born to be a convenience to anyone, or to massage someone’s ego. I was not born to drown my passions, hobbies, goals and even my identity just so I could comply to the ‘suitable match needed’ column in the matrimonial section.
I will not apologize if my chapatis are not round, or if I party late night, or for expecting my future husband to respect my career as much as I intend to respect his.
When I take a man to be my husband, I will stand by him through thick and thin, through the darkest of his nights and the brightest of his days. I will protect him and defend him and love him and allow him to do the same for me, and for that I do not need to be wife material. I do not want a so-called ‘decent guy’ if he expects me to regard my passions inferior to his, or if he expects me to quit working just because I married him, or if he objects to me having male friends after tying the knot with him.
I am not wife material. I am girl boss material, I am self-driven, future leader material, I am intellectual game-changer material, I am independent high-flying material, I am never-say-die fighter material… But no, I am not wife material, and I do not apologize for that.
Published on Nov 22, 2016