We'd been dating for more than two years when this happened. We'd just gone through a rough phase in our relationship and had our fair share of arguments, breakups, fights and a lot of chaos for the past six months. But then, we finally decided to get back because the feelings were still there and the other people we met in those six months apart from each other couldn't really undo that.
We decided to keep those feelings alive. A lot of things had gotten between us, and it was taking us some time to get back in the "I love you the most" mode. There was still this little bit of mistrust, a few bad memories to erase and the pressure of why we had ended up in this situation.
At the cost of sounding too philosophical, I did feel that relationships are fragile, but hearts even more, and one's self respect the most. It was so easy to break it, and then feel broken myself.
In those six months, when we were going through a temporary breakup, we saw other people, went on dates with them, and he even became close to someone who became more than just a date. So, even though we got back, I had my doubts about him breaking up with the other woman, and I wasn't as sure as I should have been. It was my gut telling me that something wasn't right.
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So during one of our conversations, I asked him to give me the password of his email account, and I said that I would give him mine, just to know if he was comfortable sharing it. Now when I think of it, I feel a little creepy about it myself, but it felt right at the time. He was reluctant and asked me a dozen questions before giving it to me. He said, "Why don't you trust me?" a couple times before finally giving in.
I was a little hesitant to open his email and we'd kinda promised that we won't check each other's emails, but when you've given your password to a girl, will she ever not check your email?
I highly doubt it. So, I did, right after cutting the call.
I checked his email. I started scrolling through his mailbox, after the first two pages of unimportant and spam emails, I was almost convinced that I was stupid to have doubted him and it was time to close the mailbox.
And right when I was about to hit the “close” button, I saw a strange name with the subject line saying, “I miss you.”
The date was of about 15 days earlier, and it was a thread of emails my boyfriend and his now ex-girlfriend had written to each other. He'd gone to study abroad, and had a friend there whom he was attracted to, and I knew about her. But the series of emails showed me a new side to this.
He'd written to her saying, “No matter what happens, I still love you and no one has understood me like you do. Yes, it's a fact that we had to part ways, but I still feel for you and I hope you do too.” She'd also replied, “If that's true, then let's get back, leave your girlfriend and let's get back and start afresh. I still love you too.” To which, he replied, “Give me some time, let me think about it.”
I was taken aback. This was JUST 15 days old, and we'd been back together for more than two months now. I was not just hurt, but I was furious. I felt this real angst and rage against my boyfriend that I can’t even put down in words.
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I calmed myself down, and I messaged him to meet me the next day. The next day, I told him what I read, and now comes the best surprise...he didn't react! He just did not. He said, "Ya, I did that. Sorry, yaar. I didn't want to hurt her."
Forget remorse, there wasn't a speck of regret on his face, and I really felt too disgusted to even look at him.
I left immediately. Later, I just dropped him a text saying, "Enough bullshit" and I NEVER saw him again. And let me tell you, cutting loose from a toxic relationship is one of the most liberating things I’ve done!
Published on Oct 25, 2016