Confessions Of A Girl Who Is Looking For Lust, Not Love

Confessions Of A Girl Who Is Looking For Lust, Not Love
I’m an ardent believer of the motto, “Search for lust, let love follow.” You might think I'm not an ordinary girl, what with being a "girl in lust" but in my opinion, I’m perfectly normal, just slightly different in the way I think. I don’t believe in fairytales or waste my time waiting for that knight in shining armour to come rescue me and give me my happily ever after. And I feel that’s an extremely practical approach in today’s day and time, to be responsible for your own bloody happiness! And as far as relationships are concerned, beyond family and friends, one just needs a guy for lust or “physical satisfaction” as some may call it. For me, life is simple, no drama. I work hard and independently earn a living, I hang out with family and friends during my free time and when I feel the need, I hook up to satisfy my physical desires. Such an arrangement saves me the drama of “baby, you don’t give me time”, a zillion anniversaries, fidelity and commitment issues and over-dependence on one guy, who may or may not even be there for me when the time comes. I think that you can have the good times with close friends and flirt and hook up with a guy you’re attracted to, and save yourself from the emotional drama all together. Yes, it is possible, I'm the perfect example.

Internal girl in lust

And no, I don’t hook up with any or every guy anywhere. Let me tell you how it all started… When I was in college, I used to find one of my guy friends extremely cute and one night, we got drunk and made out. We both were very serious about our studies, so neither he nor I, was looking for a relationship. But we hooked up every other weekend, which helped us de-stress in between long hours of study. Though it was a mutually exclusive thing, we both had no other expectations in terms of going on dates, handling each other’s mood swings, etc. We realized that due to the no-strings-attached clause, we actually enjoyed spending time with each other. No harm in living in the moment, is there? I had a few more arrangements of this kind over the four years of engineering college and I don’t feel shy or ashamed talking about them, as that’s just what I needed at the time.

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Anmol was my best friend in college and he was also my colleague after college, as we both got placed through campus recruitments. I shared all my deepest secrets with him, my feelings and all my problems, but we never had an intimate relationship. Not that I hadn't thought about it but he was in a committed relationship and I didn't want to mess that or our friendship up. However, he had been my constant support and “go to” person all these years. During the first year of work, I had a dry spell with no action at all. Anmol, on the other hand, had recently broken up after a six year long relationship. One night, after having discussed our rocky overworked boring lives and finishing two bottles of wine, I started thinking about how the two of us would have been together. Before I could act on any of these confusing thoughts though, I passed out at Anmol’s place. I could usually handle my alcohol but I guess I had had a long day that day and I had drank a bit too much. When I woke up the next morning, I found myself properly tucked in bed, covered with a blanket and a cup of cold coffee (strong and little sugar, just like I like it) on the side table. There was a sticky note that said “Going over to Tanya’s (his ex) to collect my stuff, hope you’re not too hungover, see you soon.” Such sweet gestures and being taken care of, was an alien concept for me, and honestly, it felt oh-so-good! All these years, I had never given anyone a chance to make me feel this way. I was overwhelmed and for the first time in my life, my eyes welled up with emotional tears. I thought to myself, maybe, just maybe, my idea of searching for lust and letting love follow would end up leading me to exactly the right place.

*Names changed to protect privacy.

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