Sometimes I wonder, how it would have been, if we had met 10 years ago. Would we have been the best of friends or would we have hated each other?
Imagine me being with you throughout your rebel phase - I would have witnessed all those stories you tell me now. I feel that we would have been best friends - me pretending to not know where you were when you mother asked me and you being on my mom’s side when she scolded me for getting poor marks in my exams.
Our life would have been so different, if it was me whom you had asked out then and not her. We would have shared our aspirations, dreams, hopes and known each other as we grew from teenagers to adults. I wonder how it would have been if you had fallen in love with me and not her... then.
How I wish, you’d never met her… you would have never given all of yourself to her. And I wouldn’t have seen you so afraid to fall in love again, too scared to give all of yourself to anyone again. All those years you lost being in love with someone who broke your heart, why didn’t we have those years for us!
It took us a year to realize that what we have is not just friendship and the one year we have spent together has been full of wonderful memories. I love the way we snuggle on the couch listening to music, the way you make me laugh, the way you pick me up and kiss me. You make me so happy and I want you to have all the happiness in the world. I would fight with anyone to make sure you are not hurt again.
I know you love me too. Still, when I look into your eyes I see the pain. I still see this fear in you when it comes to love. I know, after what you went through, you find it hard to trust anyone. I know you still have not forgotten her and there are so many things that still remind you of her. You don't think of her all the time but often your mind drifts away to her and you wonder just like me, what if?
I don’t tell you but my heart breaks when you think of her. It kills me when you get lost in all those memories of her. I don't want to feel that way, but I do and I cannot change that. But then a part of me understands you because I know if tomorrow we go our separate ways, I will cherish your memories in the same way.
Our break up would crush me - I can see myself crying to sleep for months but eventually I will move on. But I don’t think I will get over you, just the way you haven’t gotten over her. You will always be a part of me because you are my first love. And maybe that’s what first love does to a person… it never leaves you.