It all starts when you enter your 20s - your family and relatives start talking about your marriage. Suddenly, everyone starts focusing on it, not on your career or further studies.
The same thing happened to me too. When I was 21 my parents got the first rishta for me and they started considering it seriously. But I wasn’t ready for marriage, honestly speaking, it was never my thing. For me, it was just an unsigned contract between two people often done under societal pressure.
So, when I said no to that ristha, my parents tried to convince me - “It’s the right age,” “He is the perfect guy for you,” they kept saying. But after some time my parents found out that the guy was in a relationship with someone else. I was glad that I was saved.
However, it was just the beginning and I went through the whole rishta process of an arranged marriage with several “suitable” guys. None of those worked. No, it wasn’t that I was never interested in guys, I did have a huge crush on this guy during my college. But I never told him about my feelings because I knew things would never work between us.
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I was 23 when I met Arjun and fell in love when I had least expected it. I was serious about him and even wanted to get married. And then came the twist in my life - he got married to someone else.
The rishta hunt went back on priority mode in my house. For my family’s sake, I went through a couple of bio datas, met a few guys and rejected each of them without any reason. I was just not ready for all this.
It was then that people started telling me that I should keep “reasonable expectations”, should be ready for compromises as it is an important factor in marriage. Again, I felt like maybe these people are right, so said yes to a guy and got engaged. But it didn’t last long and I came to realise many things after my engagement broke up.
I realised that all those things people told me are not true…marriage should not be about compromises, it should be about two people wanting to spend the rest of their lives together. Marriage isn’t about being perfect for each other, it’s about accepting the imperfections in your partner and loving him just the way he is.
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But how am I supposed to explain all this to the society which still tells me to “not expect too much” and “learn to compromise”. I decided to let them be and live my life on my own terms. I turn a deaf ear when my married friends lecture me about what my family must be feeling as I am still not married. I choose to stay away from people who believe that I am actually in a relationship with someone who isn’t fit for my family because I am 28 and still not willing to get married. I don’t even bother to listen to those who feel that a girl cannot live her life alone on her own terms. I especially hate those people who say that I have to get married just because I am “already 28”.
Yes, I am 28 and happily unmarried… so what? I would rather be this way than be married for the sake of the society. This is the life I chose and I am happy with where I am in life. I have not and will never let others decide about my life.
* Names changed to protect privacy.
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Published on Sep 01, 2016