10 Misconceptions We All Have About Arranged Marriages
Nasrin Modak SiddiqiGuest Contributor
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Arranged marriages are not as unfortunate as you might think. Like everything else, they too have their pros and cons. Here are a few delusions associated with the set-up of an arranged marriage and the truth behind it!
1. "Arranged marriages are usually forced."
Says who? Yes, they are arranged. So someone out there (usually mums and aunts) is doing the difficult job of finding someone who they think would be apt for you. They give you options and you get to choose, right? So how can that be called forced? Of course, there are exceptions but that isn't a reason to shun the whole system.
2. "They are all about uncomfortable questions."
Modern day "ladki-dekhne-jaana" process is not about, "Does your daughter know to make chai?" and other idiotic questions. These days the girl and boy get to meet over coffee, just like first blind dates. And you can completely ignore the guy who asks you if you are a virgin. Promise!
3. "There is no falling head over heels."
Well, you are under the watchful eyes of your parents, but nothing beats the magic of just getting to know someone. It's beautiful – even with a hundred eyes watching. And those butterflies in the stomach. Sigh!
Wrong! Again. There is nothing more romantic than the feeling of getting to know each other, learning small bits about your partner and hearing about his childhood from family and friends. No fear of a breakup either or the uncertainty of walking down the aisle. That's done already - so the focus is now on better things.
5. "Arranged marriages have high failure rate."
Are you kidding me? Take a look around you - your parents, your relatives. Eight out of 10 of them have had arranged marriages, most still have that child like romance and have survived the turmoils even with children in the picture. A marriage is only as strong as your will to make it work - arranged or love.
6. "You are taken for granted in an arranged marriage."
Well, that's not an arranged marriage problem, it's a general problem. So value yourself and choose a partner with a family who will respect you for who you are.
7. "Arranged marriages are hard to adjust in."
Since they have a firm root in society and culture, it might make it harder to speak out your problems. But if you give it time, everything falls into place perfectly. No one gives you a hard time because everybody already understands that you're still adjusting.
8. "In arranged marriages, there is greater pressure to work things out."
In an arranged marriage, you not only commit to the man but also his family. Isn't that a good thing, though? With our fragile egos, we are nothing more than a time bomb of temper. No one wins in a broken relationship and it’s important to value bonds of love - and there are definitely more of those in an arranged set up!