“I’ll be there for youuuuu”...crooned our television sets benchmarking via F.R.I.E.N.D.S (the TV show) about what friendship really is. We celebrate Friendship Day with bands, cards, and all that jazz. And all year round we pay tribute via hashtags to the homies in our lives. (#GOALS, anyone?) But not enough has been said about friendship breakups. And yes, they suck as much as romantic breakups. Maybe even more. So today we break it down for you and address an oft ignored aspect of life and growing up. Here’s how to deal with a friendship breakup.
1. Know that you are not imagining it
Friendship breakups are a real thing. They happen to us all – and no, you’re totally not imagining it. Sometimes, you just fall out of sync with the other person. Or you don’t agree with the choices they are making in their life. Or may be, they simply aren’t making time for you. Whatever be the reason, just know that friendship breakups are a universal phenomenon.
2. Don’t use social media as a pawn
It is so tempting to be passive-aggressive on social media, right? We girls are no strangers to a snarky tweet or an Instagram caption layered with double meanings. But our advice to you would be to avoid going down that road. Firstly because, there’s no end to these social media wars. And secondly, you don’t need stoop down to that level.
3. It’s okay that you are hurt
Don’t beat yourself up about the fact that you are feeling bad. If you had considered that person to be someone worth having in your life and you can’t get over the fact that they won't be a part of your life anymore – it’s only natural to feel really hurt. Understand that you are human too, and don’t beat yourself up because you are upset. Know what we mean?
We know it’s tempting to talk about whatever happened with anyone who is willing to listen, but we suggest you restrain yourself. It’s okay to talk about it to one or two other important people in your life and confess to them about what’s really going on...but don’t go beyond that. People love to hear gossip and even though they might act like they care, you’re only explaining yourself to someone you shouldn’t have to. The last thing you need is more drama, right?
5. Don’t ask your other friends to take sides
Friendship breakups are even more complicated when there’s a group involved. Others in the group immediately become collateral damage as they feel pressurized to side with one party. The best you can do is not ask anyone to prove their loyalty to you. Remember, those who are meant to stay in your lives will find a way to!
6. Stop replaying the past in your head
We know it’s tempting to look back at the good times and get nostalgic. But replaying past incidents in your head will bring your negative emotions to the fore. You don’t need that. Everything happens for a reason and things were probably great while they lasted. It’s time to move on and it’s time to look ahead.
7. Keep yourself busy
You are going to have to pull yourself together at some point, so why not now? Just make sure you are busy. Find a hobby or start studying/ working like never before. Don’t waste time stalking them. Keeping yourself occupied helps to get out of most situations, and it will with this too.
We know you don’t want to hear this, but losing friends is part of the growing up process. As you discover more and more of who you are, you will lose some friends along the way. It’s just the universe making space for the beautiful people who are yet to walk into your life and deserve all your time and attention. So please, smile and gracefully let go of things that are not meant for you anymore.
9. Don’t go seeking revenge
If you feel like you have been wronged, just sit back and leave it to Karma to do its thing. We know it’s tempting to want your friend to realize the error of their ways. But you don’t know if and when that’ll happen so don’t wait for it. It may happen tomorrow or it may happen when they’re 85. For all you know, deep down in their hearts they already know they wronged you. But there are some things we really cannot know for sure. The best you can do is to offer your best self to all the friends who you do have. Just keep it classy and do no wrong.