Adjusting after marriage can be quite a task. You’re going to live with a new family in a new home, and that can be a bit overwhelming. Some believe that the mum-in-law is usually a tough nut to crack. If that’s the case with you, here are some ways to make your mum-in-law your best friend. She is the key to a great relationship with the rest of the family, after all.
1. Don’t be prejudiced
Not all MILs are the monsters-in-law we get to see on TV. Don’t enter your new home with preconceived notions, no matter how much you have been warned about her. Be optimistic.
2. Make friends with her
Share your childhood stories and find out about common interests you both share so you have things to do with her. Bond over a movie or cook a fun meal together. Give it time and make her fall in love with you.
3. Seek advice but don't offer unsolicited counsel
Ask her for guidance. You don’t have to necessarily follow just as she says but the fact that you asked her for her opinion will make her feel that it matters to you. On the other hand, don’t give your opinion where it isn’t necessary or asked for.
4. Give due respect
Respect is important in any relationship. Don’t just limit it to traditions like touching feet or folding your hands to greet her. Respect is all about trust, valuing each other’s decisions and not doubting one another. Follow your own traditions and respect what she follows too.
5. Treat her like your mum, but don’t compare the two
She is your husband’s mother, so try not to find flaws in her and treat her as you would treat your mum. This will go a long way in your relationship with your husband too. At the same time, don’t expect her to be as loving as your mother. Give it time and the relationship and love will grow eventually.
The first impression is the last impression. Put forward your real self. Any sort of extra accommodating behaviour in the beginning in order to win the approval of others will put you in trouble later. After all, you have to live your entire life together.
7. Establish boundaries
And respect them. Set limits for how much she can interference in your life and for your interference in hers. Be respectful but lay down the rules and expectations at the onset.
8. Show affection
Everyone loves compliments. Shower some on her generously but genuinely. Tell her how much you adore her collection of saris or the way she makes a particular dish or her taste in home décor. This is a great way to break the ice and share a healthy and positive relationship.
9. Remember her special days and occasions
Most of us believe birthdays and anniversaries are a big deal. Make her feel special on her days. This will not only make her happy but she will also know that you care and make an effort towards her.
10. Don’t share too much
Avoid talking too much to her about any problems you might have with your husband. It could be that she takes this in a not-so-positive way and that could lead to some sort of ill feeling between the two of you. Share what you deem necessary, something that might need her intervention.
11. Know her talents and encourage her
Each one of us is unique and has a skill set. Keep looking for what she is best at – stitching, crochet, painting, etc. Encourage her to take it up and stand up for her whenever you can.
12. Be pragmatic
It’s natural for her to feel threatened now that you’ve come into the household. Make her feel wanted, involve her, learn to be calm and coexist in a peaceful manner. If you find yourself in the middle of a fight, make sure it doesn’t turn ugly. You show respect and you’ll get it too, remember that ladies.