10 ‘Sexy’ Sex Tips That Don’t Actually Work! *OOPS*
We try to do our homework and search high and low for tips to make our sex life better. And it all sounds very exciting when we come across something new and sexy to try. But some things just sound better on paper and aren’t really feasible in real life. Here are a few of those!
1. Lighting the room with candles
Ever heard of how something as miniscule as a cigarette butt could lead to an entire house being burned down? Yes, it’s possible. Lighting the room with candles and setting the mood for sex sounds really nice and romantic but really, it’s too much of a risk. You don’t want your curtains flaring up while you’re in the middle of the act, do you? And we’re pretty sure you don’t want to run away from fire, wrapped in a bedsheet for the whole neighbourhood to see either!
2. Food sex
How is this even supposed to work? Do you eat or do you have sex? Can you do it together? Would you be munching on nachos while he’s doing you? You wouldn’t, right? Like what does one focus on? And pretty soon it gets icky and there will be ants in your bed and even hygiene wise, it sounds like a plan that couldn't work in any possible scenario.
3. Talking Dirty
This is a skill you acquire over time and with lots of practice... If you don’t have enough practice, don’t dive into the deep end. Dip your toes first, see how he reacts... Otherwise, unfortunately, some guys really don't want to know who your daddy is.
4. Wearing complicated lingerie
With fashion changing every day, it should come as no surprise that lingerie too has changed drastically over time. Some men have mastered the unhooking of a bra in less than three seconds, while some...they still need to learn. So, don’t wear complicated lingerie that he can’t even wrap his head around, forget get you out of.
Also read: 21 *Sexy* Texts To Turn Your Boyfriend On Instantly!
5. Pretending to be coy and not so “experienced”
You’re fooling no one. Acting this way not only suggests that you're not entirely comfortable with the situation but it also puts a lot of pressure on him to make everything right. Just go ahead and do what you gotta do. Do what you want to do and make your life simpler, and his too!
6. Trying out acrobatic positions you saw in a porn video
Okay, those actors have been doing this for a while and they do this for a living. You are not suddenly going to turn into an enthusiastic gymnast who can contort her body in different angles. Avoid serious injuries and don't try those at home!
7. Aggressive spanking
Spanking is fun, yes, but aggressive spanking, and doing it without taking necessary precautions, only leaves your skin turning 50 shades redder and it burns like hell - not just during the act but even a day later. Can be an instant mood killer if you're not extremely into it!
8. Impromptu strip dancing
STOP BELIEVING IN THOSE DECEIVING MOVIE SCENES! To pull off strip dancing, first you have to wear sexy clothes, even if it means shedding it layer by layer. Then you have to have dancer’s grace and then you gotta decide on an appropriate background song. Even the lighting needs to be right! Just too many variables for things to go according to plan, right?
Also read: 10 Sorta Awkward Things About Having Sex With Someone New!
9. Shower sex
We’ve all tried it and it’s fun for what like ten glorious seconds? You turn the shower on and there’s water everywhere, it’s slippery and generally not at all sensual. There’s no comfort or excitement in doing it when all you can really think about is how not to slip and fall flat on your face.
10. Morning sex
Well, first there’s the bad breadth issue, ugh! Then there’s the “I have to poop” issue and then there’s the “Damn, I’m so hungry” issue. How does one ever get morning sex right when all of these exist?!
GIFs: Tumblr, Giphy
Published on Oct 1, 2016