I Hated My First Job… But I Didn’t Let That Stop Me!

I Hated My First Job… But I Didn’t Let That Stop Me!
Struggles are a part of everyone's life. But there is always that "one day" when we think everything changes… The thought of that day brings a lot of relief and a lot of joy, making the struggle easier.

I'm 24 years old. I come from a well to do family and have been brought up in quite a pampered manner. Convenience has always been a friend to me because of the environment I grew up in. Being out of my comfort zone, for me, is like standing against an opponent in war.

Nobody in my family has been out there working in a corporate set up. Being a Sindhi, career has always meant "papa ka business" in our family. But after completing my post graduation, I was free to choose the career I wanted. I was free to join my father or sit for the placement procedure and get a job just like my friends were doing. To my surprise, I got through a firm in one of the first 2-3 interviews I went for. Full of excitement, I joined the firm with lots of hopes and dreams.

But now the real struggle began. Being new to the corporate world was all about being out of my comfort zone. And like I mentioned earlier. It was like a war for me. A war against myself, against everything I had ever known. Soon, I found myself crying every morning and every night. I found myself in a zone full of panic and anxiety for being unable to do what I was assigned at my workplace. I was losing my confidence, I had started to fear all the people around me at work. I became too suspicious of everyone around me because of all the office politics. Everything had become confined to emails, calendars, protocols, policies, rules and regulations. I began to count the number of hours left to go home. I started waiting for weekends desperately and the time I would get to spend with my friends and family.

Internal my first job experience

My discomfort started showing. My health got affected, I lost my appetite. I wouldn't sleep properly and this became quite visible at home and to my parents. After noticing this for a while, my mother just came up to me one night and asked me to stay home the next day because of my ill health. I did as she asked me to do. But that one sick leave followed into days and I eventually resigned without following any procedures. The level of stress had become so much that I could do anything to just sit at home for a while and not go to that place which had become hell for me.

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And all of this happened in a span of 6 months.

My friend, convenience, again helped me get out of the mess I was in. But spending days at home, after having quit my job the way I had, doing absolutely nothing, I still wasn't out of my stress phase.

Different things started bothering me. Thoughts like, what next? Did I give up too soon? Am I a failure? What do my friends think about me? Am I going to be like this - career-less - all my life? Did I study so much for nothing? Loneliness started consuming me, for all my friends had jobs and no free time unlike me.

I soon decided that I needed to give it one more try. Sure, okay, I failed once. But I needed to try again. I needed to put in a little more effort outside my comfort zone. Much to my surprise, my parents, my sisters and my friends all supported me through this. They understood exactly what it was like for me at my first job. Soon I started applying for jobs, giving interviews and fighting my fears.

Also read: 10 Things I Learnt At My First Job That College Didn’t Teach Me

So now, here I am, in the first week of my new job. Still fighting my fears, but much more determined. Much more firm about proving myself to all my loved ones. And I know that my "but one day" will come soon - and take my career to a whole new level. Until then, I'm not giving up!

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