#MyStory: We’ve Both Been Divorced Twice. And Still...

#MyStory: We’ve Both Been Divorced Twice. And Still...
We all want our own fairytales, but life has its own plan for us and there is nothing we can do about it. I always thought that I would marry the love of my life and have my happily-ever-after. I had never imagined that I would end my marriage. But then again, how long can you stay in an abusive relationship?

While I was trying to heal myself after this tragedy, I met an old friend, Prashant. He had also gone through a bad divorce.

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Prashant and I had become friends on Facebook some eight years ago. He was studying in London then, and we would chat and talk over video call often. He was a decent guy and I always enjoyed talking to him. Over the course of time, I developed a crush on him.

Internal 1 I still love him

One day, out of the blue, he messaged me to say that he is in India and asked me for my number. The whole day I kept looking at my phone, waiting for him to call. Finally, he called me in the evening and the call went on for hours. We started talking over the phone every night. During those calls I got to know that his girlfriend had recently broken up with him and he was pretty upset about it. When I met him, I realized how depressed he was about his failed relationship. Looking at his situation, I couldn’t get myself to tell him about my feelings for him.

After a couple of weeks, somehow, things worked out between Prashant and his ex - they decided to get married. When he told me the news, I realized what heartbreak feels like. He even invited me to his wedding but it was too difficult for me to see him with someone else, so I skipped it.

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We lost touch after his marriage; the only time we would talk to each other was on our birthdays. When I got married, I sent an invitation to him and his wife but they didn’t come. A year after my marriage, I heard that Prashant and his wife were divorced, and soon after that I also separated from my husband.

So, Prashant and I reconnected as we were going through a very similar situation. The more I started talking to him, the more I realized that my feelings for him had not changed. I am genuinely happy when I am with him; once he even asked me the reason behind my happiness… if only I could tell him. I am too scared to let him know; what if he doesn’t feel the same about me? What if he does not take it nicely and stops talking to me? I can’t bear another heartbreak and I don’t want to lose him.

I still haven’t found the courage to tell him that I love him.

* Names changed to protect privacy.

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