Until the day I turned 24, I had only heard people raving about how pleasurable an orgasm was - I had never actually experienced it. Firstly because, like most Indian kids, I had not had any sort of “sex ed”, and sexuality wasn’t something which deserved attention or even a conversation - so for the longest time I did not realize I could “explore”. Secondly, I had once or twice stumbled upon books which described the pleasure of an orgasm, but I had no idea how to get there. I mean, I knew you put your hand down there, but then what?
So one day as I was scrolling through my Facebook feed, I came across this article titled “How to pleasure yourself”. As I read through it, I realized that I had never actually put in any effort to learn exactly how this was done. Well, better late than never I thought, and decided to give it a shot.
I Googled “How to have an orgasm” and a million websites were at my disposal. In almost all of the articles I went through, they talked about stimulating the clitoris. So I then Googled “How to find the clitoris”, and opened Google images so I could actually understand what I had to look for.
After I was done seeing the images and reading half a dozen articles, I settled down in my bed and switched on my laptop. I put on some porn and just watched it for a while. Soon I began to feel wet down there and so I slid my hand into my shorts, and started “exploring” till I could feel the exact spot I wanted to find.
The clitoris has like a million nerve endings - which is why it is very sensitive, especially when one is aroused. Once I had found my spot, I started trying to stimulate it. I used all the tricks I had read about one by one. For about 5 minutes nothing much happened, and as I was beginning to think that I was doing it wrong, I started feeling something.
It was a sensation I had never felt before. It ran up from my clit into my stomach and then slowly through my whole body. I closed my eyes as I felt the sensation take over my body, and in a minute or two the sensation became less intense. I didn’t understand what was happening, so I opened my eyes and patiently started again.
In about 2-3 minutes the sensation came back. I realized that visual stimulation had as much to do with this as physical stimulation. So now I decided I would keep my eyes open (which seemed like a task after a while!). This time the sensation kept growing and becoming more intense. My whole body was wrapped in urgent pleasure that goes beyond words and could probably only be expressed in moans.
I had heard people imagine their boyfriends or even random guys when they masturbate - but to be honest, I couldn’t see anything or anyone. I was too immersed in the feeling that my body was undergoing. And then the sensation reached its peak and audible but soft moans escaped my lips - I felt something rising inside of me, wanting to break through. And then it did.
That span of 10-12 seconds was pure pleasure. I felt the urgency leave my body and a feeling of relief and happiness replacing it. Even after I had washed and cleaned up, I could feel the happiness still lingering. I was ecstatic, and somehow felt more empowered and aware of my own self. For someone who had never actually taken time to discover her own body, it was kind of unbelievable.
It is pleasurable every time I do it, and I think I have gotten better at it. But that first feeling is still fresh in my mind, and I think it will be so forever.