After I turned 25, as it happens with most Indian girls, my parents started talking about my marriage. I didn’t have a boyfriend and so I told my parents that they could look for a suitable guy. When I said so, I thought it would take at least six months for them to find a guy for me and they wouldn’t bother me until that happened.
But my bad luck: within two months my dad found a prospective husband candidate for me. In fact, he even spoke to the guy’s dad and they both decided that the guy and I should meet. His name was Kabir and he was six years older to me.
My dad told me that he had shared my number with Kabir. While I was expecting a message on WhatsApp he called me one day. The phone call sounded more like a job interview; Kabir shared details about himself just the way it is mentioned in CVs and asked me questions about my qualification, education etc. He sounded pretty mature and the whole call was pretty awkward. The next day when he called me again, I just told him that I was busy and cut the call short. Then he sent me a couple of his selfies - they were not so cool but I just wrote back “nice pics.” In the next two or three phone conversation I came to know about his life experiences, his aspirations, his dreams…. That guy could surely talk!
I was hoping for an artistic type of guy as my life partner and this business-minded guy could never be my match. I came to understand this, though my parents thought we were a good match. I started ignoring his call and then one day I received a message from him saying, “Hi, see if you do not want to continue with this please let me know. Our parents think we two are made for each other and my parents are insisting I talk to you.” I thought it was the right time to say a NO to him. So, I texted him back, “Hey, sorry for not responding, was busy. See, I think we are not right for each other; we both have different aspirations and expectations in life. I hope you will find the girl who is perfect for you.” I deleted his number after that and was relieved that it was all over.
He didn’t reply to my text and I told my family everything. My father was not happy with it, he was angry that I ended things without consulting them as they were in touch with Kabir’s parents. He said, “You could have told us and we would have talked to them and closed this matter in our own way.”
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A month later, while I was busy chatting with one of my cousins, I got a message from an unknown number. I was totally surprised when I saw the WhatsApp profile pic, it was Kabir. He was coming to my city for some official work and he wanted to meet me. I found it a bit weird. What kind of a guy wants to meet the girl who had already rejected him? I felt like he was being a ‘chep.’
However, I told my parents about his message and Dad suggested that I should meet him otherwise it would seem too rude. Though he later said that it was my choice whether I meet him or not, I had understood that he wanted me to meet Kabir.
So, the next day I met him outside his office. While he came walking to the car with a huge smile on his face I realized he looked much better in person. Those selfies didn’t do justice to him.
We went to a coffee shop and I started the conversation saying, “You must be wondering why I said no without even meeting you once.”
He replied, “Not at all. Rejections and acceptances - these are part of life, and I believe that those who take such things to their ego are fools. I really appreciate that you came to meet me although we had ended things. I was afraid you might think that I’m such a ‘chhichora’, that too at this age.” I giggled and thought, “Well I did think you seemed a bit chep.”
We actually had a good conversation that day and the most surprising part was that he understood my nature so well. I told him that I wasn’t tall enough and he asked me what does height had to do with marriage. What he said next totally changed my view about him. He said, “I don’t promise you a smooth journey; there will be ups and downs. But I assure you it’s going to be fun. Together we will make life a memorable journey.”
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I took him home that day and we got married after three months. And in these three months every day we learn, unlearn and relearn things about life and relationship. It is strange how I have found a friend in my husband.
I believe in the whole saying that there is someone out there for you. When you are meant to be with someone, all the forces in this universe will work to make it happen. A few months back I was considering things like age and height as parameters to judge my life partner, and today I laugh at my own stupidity… they are nothing but numbers.
* Names changed to protect privacy.
Published on Jul 04, 2016